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The COVID-19 Avoidance Spectrum

There isn’t a mask nor shield that can shelter us from the tension that this past year has caused

As a psychotherapist working through the pandemic, I hear people talking all across the COVID-19 avoidance spectrum. From those who felt quarantining was excruciating and others who feel it’s given them awareness to real joys they’ve experienced from removing certain activities and routines.

While I feel pretty confident saying that we’re over the word, “unprecedented,” the level of emotion surrounding divisiveness in family and friends is at an unprecedented height. Whether it was social media, a lengthy text thread, a planned or cancelled event, there isn’t a mask nor shield that can shelter us from the tension of this past year. The Washington Post wrote an article in February, reporting that many felt there was no way to move forward with relationships that had been damaged by arguments around current hot button issues. For some, these encounters have been so traumatizing that social distancing has been a secret benefit, allowing them to avoid addressing wounds.

While I’m not downplaying the level of sadness, anger or even embarrassment, if you’ve decided the relationship(s) are worth saving but you're agonizing over if it’s possible to move forward and repair, I want to assure you with a resounding “YES!”

While it can be challenging, it’s also an amazing opportunity to work on your own healing. Maybe you’ve been at home avoiding both the virus and your emotional pain, but I’m here to outline some steps to help with your interpersonal vaccine.

1. Make a list of your feelings around the situation. This will help you process and understand your reactions. Writing down our experiences is a great way to better explore what we need to move forward.

2. Explore where the other person could be coming from. THIS IS NOT EASY, but it’s incredibly healing to be vulnerable and examine a different perspective.

3. Remind yourself that you may not have vital information related to their history of trauma, family relationships, etc. Our past affects our present, and they also have a narrative that is affecting how they respond.

4. Acknowledge that you may never fully understand or agree with their views, and that’s okay! We’re all dealing with the heaviness of the year, and it can be hard to hold space for others and their views.

5. Remind yourself that this is about you and your healing journey. The compromise is coming from the decision to keep this person in your life.

6. Finally, remind yourself that this pandemic has taught us that we can be flexible and strengthen our awareness and resilience.

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