Emotional trauma, either from childhood or adulthood, can leave a person broken, confused and feeling unworthy. You go through moments of desperation where hope is lost and pretending becomes a way of escaping. Choosing to fight for yourself and break free from your toxic patterns brings you challenges worth getting through. These challenges eventually reveal that the grief you endured was placed on you for a specific reason—if you are willing to learn from it. Throughout your healing process, you discover your strength, and you learn to separate yourself from a situation that forced you to grow—understanding and accepting the pain that comes with the healing.
But when you’re going through it, you don’t want to continuously hear that it gets better. You search for answers to your pain outside of yourself, and that’s why the healing process can be dreadful. One of the most necessary ways to get through your pain is to get through it and not around it. Yes, you actually have to talk about it. Therapy is helpful, but if you’re unable to get support from mental health providers, talk to someone you trust. Someone who will listen and not be so quick to respond. I got the opportunity to talk to teacher and blogger Ana (@anasoigne) on how overwhelming grief can transform into wisdom to benefit one’s personal growth. Her strength has inspired me and others, and I wanted to share some of her thoughts.
You have to remind yourself that some progress is better than no progress and that healing takes time. Talking to people who have been through difficult situations behind closed doors and were able to pick themselves up remind us to not give up on ourselves.
“I needed to spend some time alone, understand myself and my tendencies. I had to learn that I cannot control other people, but I can do the inner work and choose what kind of people I surround myself with. After going through heartbreak, I learned what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I had to go through that to grow and become a better person.” Aside from advice, Ana also mentioned ways to be there for yourself:
2. Give yourself time
3. Cook a meal for yourself
4. Read a book – Book recommendations below!
5. Begin a workout plan
6. Spend some time outside every day
7. Plan a dinner with friends
8. Enjoy yourself!
1. Whole Again by Jackson Mackenzie
2. You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero
3. Choose Wonder Over Worry by Amber Rae
4. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
5. Scary Close by Donald A. Miller
I hope reading this article helps to put into perspective that YOU are important, also! Putting yourself first is not selfish, it’s necessary in order to achieve your goals, gain your confidence back, and start believing that you are deserving of everything good.