During these past 15 months of the pandemic, many of us have faced unprecedented reasons for anxiety—and our kids have experienced school in a way we never could have imagined.
As things begin to open back up, it’s finally time to emerge from our homes and rejoin each other in society. For most kids this fall, that means entering a real classroom with peers and a teacher, and the unknowns of this can create anxiety.
Here are three strategies to help you navigate the new normal with your child:
1. Model Calm. All kids—even teens—take cues from their parents about how to feel.
Be mindful of what your words, body language and actions communicate. Imagine that you’re a flight attendant. During turbulence, the passengers look to see whether you are calm and confident. If you’re not, they might panic. Your child looks to you during times of emotional turbulence.
Process your own fears with an appropriate adult rather than with your child. Ask yourself: Am I feeling anxious about sending my child back to school? What are my specific worries? How can I avoid transmitting my anxiety to my child? By resolving your own fears first, you can enthusiastically share your expectation that school will be fun and safe.
2. Validate Your Child’s Experience. Kids of all ages benefit from the chance to express their thoughts, fears and emotions to a supportive audience. Try asking, “What feelings are you having when you think about going back to school?” “What are you most excited about?” or “What are you worried about?”
Younger kids (preschool–early elementary): Engage in school-themed pretend play by taking turns being the teacher or the student. Role play allows your child to predict and practice responding to new situations.
Older kids (mid-elementary–high school): Ask what they need from you as they prepare mentally for in-person school. Try not to negate or diminish their responses. Instead of, “Don’t worry! It’s going to be fine!” try validating your child’s feelings with, “It’s okay that you’re a bit worried. I bet you’ll feel much better after your first day.”
3. Increase Predictability. Most humans get anxious when we don’t know what will happen next. This explains why anxious kids sometimes become controlling and inflexible.
Increase predictability in your child’s world. Minimize unknowns by sticking to a clear, predictable routine of mealtimes and bedtimes. Introduce the back-to-school routine a few days before school begins. Stay consistent with family rules and follow through when you tell your kids what to expect from you.
Provide visual cues. Many kids benefit from seeing their schedules in print or having a list they can check off. Post your family’s routine so your child will know what to expect. Most kids love to be “in charge” of checking off items on the routine. (Bonus: Empowering a child with a visual aid of their night or morning routine can drastically reduce the need for parental cajoling!)
When to Seek Help
If anxiety is fracturing peace in your home or affecting family decisions such as vacations, restaurant choices or parents going out, it may be wise to seek therapy support. The following signs may indicate your child’s anxiety would benefit from clinical evaluation:
· Panic attacks
· Fear of being alone
· Becoming more rigid or controlling
· Bedwetting
· Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
· Reduced enjoyment in hobbies.
A qualified therapist can provide additional support for children and families.
For information on therapy support, contact Dr. Bethany Vaudrey, Licensed Psychologist and Owner of Sunlight Psychological Services at 818.918.0574 or visit SunlightPsych.com.