As with many things, a new social media hashtag has reinvigorated interest in a not-so-new idea. The “10-minute miracle” posits that parents can reduce inappropriate toddler behavior by showering their child with uninterrupted and unstructured attention for 10 minutes a day – the idea being that if you give your child the attention they crave, they will not be tempted to seek attention in inappropriate ways or inconvenient times. Child psychologists and mental health professionals have long been familiar with this form of active attending, and scientific research has reported children with parents that use this tactic experience improved self-esteem, cooperation and connection to the parent in addition to reduced incidence of anxiety, depression and the frequency for discipline. Kids who feel connected to their parents feel more inclined to follow parent expectations and desire to make their parents proud. Additionally, a child who feels ignored by their parent won’t much care if they are in time-out or not.
In a world where we have spent the last year completely disconnected from our loved ones, colleagues, routines and sources of enjoyment while at the same time overly connected to our devices, one could see how important those 10 minutes of close personal connection and affection would be. Your smartphone can tell you precisely how many minutes you have attended to it daily, but can your child say the same thing about you? This idea doesn’t solely apply to spending time with children. These 10 miracle minutes could certainly be made available to pay attention to your spouse or your own hopes, dreams or hobbies.
Research says that 80% of couples report “loss of connection” or “growing apart” as cause for divorce, leaving all other causes like affairs, arguing or substance abuse in the dust. Spending 10 deliberate minutes with your spouse can foster the connection, affection and admiration for another to weather any storm--or international pandemic. Begin by scheduling 10 minutes daily for your spouse and 10 more minutes for them to focus on you. Allow your partner to free associate anything on their mind. Like with children, what makes the magic is having no rules, agenda or prescribed topics in this conversation, just whatever they desire. You do not need to converse or ask leading questions. Just use warm body language and interested facial expressions. Using these mindful behaviors can have infinite romantic advantages, too. Paying attention to your partner’s interests and feedback conveys the enthusiasm, curiosity and fascination that would excite any lover.
If 10 minutes can magically transform our relationships to our children and our spouses, it’s no wonder that the benefits of routine mindfulness, which is just a form of attending to yourself, has long touted results. A daily routine of mindfulness has been connected to reduced physical ailments like high blood pressure, irritable bowel syndrome and chronic headaches or pain. Mindfulness is also connected to reduction in symptoms of anxiety, depression, sleeplessness and reducing memory and brain decline associated with aging.
Just as you would schedule time for a happy hour or to watch an interview of a Royal Couple airing out the castle cupboards, it’s time to be intentional about your unintentional and uninterrupted free time. If you need some help at first, consider starting with counting how many times you look at your phone a day. If you reduce that number by even 20 percent, that additional time might afford you enough to fill all the love buckets in your life, including your own.
“10-minute miracle” posits that parents can reduce inappropriate toddler behavior by showering their child with uninterrupted and unstructured attention for 10 minutes a day.
