Kent and Alyssa Van Horn always knew that they wanted to adopt, and they wanted to start the process before they pursued having biological children.
Despite careful and determined planning, the Van Horns quickly learned that life doesn’t always unfold as you expected and so their plans for adoption shifted to becoming foster parents.
“We have the desire and the capacity to care for a child and it seemed like there was a need in the foster care system,” Kent says.
With the help of several agencies and support from within The Washoe County Human Services Agency (HSA), the Van Horns fostered their first child, an infant, for six months beginning in February 2022. Despite falling in love, the couple ultimately fought to get the little girl reunited with her biological family.
“Adoption is always inclusive of loss,” Alyssa laments. “I think there’s always… grief along the joy.”
The second foster situation the Van Horns entered into had a lot of similarities to the first. Elijah was nearly a year old when he was placed with the couple (who live in Incline Village) in May of 2022. The goal was again reunification with his biological family as parental rights were still in place and Elijah—who they call Eli—wasn’t technically available for adoption.
While living with the Van Horns, however, that changed, and the couple did officially adopt Elijah. It’s easy to say, they had fallen in love again.
Alyssa and Kent say the courtroom was filled with people on Eli’s official adoption day. There were friends, family members, members from Eli’s biological family, and several social workers. “It was truly a celebration,” Kent says.
At the same time, sadness was present in the room, too. Members of Eli’s family were there to both celebrate his new family and grieve the changing of their own. Alyssa recalls Eli’s biological aunt and grandmother—two of the family members still involved in Eli’s life through monthly visits—crying in the courtroom, tears she believes were indicative of both sadness and joy. “This was a loss to their family also,” she says. “We made it as good as we could and it is not perfect.”
After welcoming Eli, Alyssa gave birth to a biological son in December of 2022 and a third son in June of 2024. Eli, the parents agree, is a wonderful big brother.
“Eli is super fun,” Alyssa says. “He’s really curious, he’s a whirlwind of activity. He loves to explore. He’s becoming a great skier and learning to swim and he’s really kind and empathetic with other children.” Kent chimes in. ““He loves to perform. He’s a very funny kid and knows he’s funny and loves to make people laugh… he is just so cute and likeable; everybody’s day is improved by interacting with Eli.”
Holiday traditions are a big perk of having a family with young kids. For the Van Horns, those traditions include cutting down Christmas trees in the forest every December and eating pancakes in matching pajamas on Christmas Day. Eli has a mini hatchet he carries with him—safely and supervised—on their tree-chopping excursions.
“We are not perfect parents,” Kent says. “We have real bad days with each of our kids…. It’s not that we have this figured out and we are perfect, it’s that we believe we have the desire to raise a family in this way and we’re figuring it out as we go.”
“It’s hard to start,” Alyssa says honestly of the process. Her best advice is to just keep saying yes. Say yes to the initial meeting, say yes to the application… just keep saying yes until you are compelled to say no. Getting information doesn’t handcuff you to any decision. There are many scenarios and you can wait for the one that makes the most sense for your family.
While the Van Horns currently have three children under the age of four, they haven’t ruled out adding more adoptive, foster, or biological children to their brood. “We don’t have the sense that our family is complete,” Alyssa says. “But we’re open to that as well.”
If you’re interested in building your family with adoption or foster in mind, those within (or near) Washoe County can begin by contacting HSA (which includes senior, adult, and children's services). Have a Heart is the specific branch within the children’s division that handles recruitment and training of potential foster and adoptive applicants.
If you are approved, Have a Heart holds your hand throughout the process and even offers a mentor program for potential adoptive and foster parents.
“A common misconception by which potential applicants rule themselves out is ‘in order to foster or adopt you must be a married couple living in a house’ which is inaccurate,” says Mitch Mathews, family manager with the Washoe County Children’s Division and someone who worked with the Van Horns on Elijah’s placement. “We have many diverse families… we do not discriminate. The diversity of our foster community is unique and beautiful as are the children for whom we care.”
To learn more, visit HaveAHeartWashoe.us.