A major life change can be a scary time for anyone. But it can also be seenas an opportunity. An opportunity to re-invent yourself. An opportunity to
get to know yourself. An opportunity to become the best version of
yourself. There is no exact timeline, and everyone will move at their own
pace. This process can start when you are first contemplating a change,
working through it, or well beyond it. When you are ready, whenever that
may be, take the time to think about where you want to change things.
Your Style:
Have you ever imagined what you could look like with a blank slate? A new
hairstyle? New clothes? A makeover? Humans have a tendency to stick to what
they are used to. We get comfortable with routine. It doesn't have to be
that way.
What better time to make this transformation than when you find yourself
starting over? Become a new you. A new look, be it hair, clothes, or
makeup, or a combination of them all, can make you feel good about
yourself. It does not even have to be dramatic — though it could be! A
change in style can be a huge confidence boost — one that can give you a
new lease on life regardless of the step you may be on.
Your Health:
When life gets complicated, we have a tendency to put ourselves last. We
schedule everyone else's appointments but push off our own. Schedules can
be crazy. It might feel like there isn't time for workouts, cooking healthy
meals, going for a walk…I get it. I have been there. There always seems to
be not enough hours in a day.
This is an opportunity to shift some of your focus to getting your own
health back on track. This does not mean neglecting your children's health
or needs. It means intentionally making the time to support your own health
needs. A good first step can be picking up the phone and calling your
doctor to schedule a physical, or making a conscious effort to go for a
daily walk. Start small if that is all you can manage, but start somewhere.
Your health matters. Take this chance to remember that.
Your Mental Health:
A major life transition is stressful no matter what the reason. In all
likelihood, it was stressful long before things came to a head. Big changes
don't begin at the moment they become official.
Put the work into your mental health. This could mean going to therapy.
This could mean listening to podcasts. This could mean reading articles, or
downloading apps. At the end of the day, nothing bad can come out of
working on yourself and your mental health. It is okay to be vulnerable.
Big life changes require processing. Take the time to process.
Your Career:
During a long-term relationship, did you stay at home to raise the
children? Did you work a job that you found fulfilling? Did you work a job
that fit certain hours to meet household needs? Did you dream of doing
something else? Or just doing something?
Finding yourself suddenly single may be the opportunity for you to find a
new career or simply a career. This may not be an option for everyone —
there are bills to pay, kids to support. But it could be a huge potential
for you. Take the risk that you may find something that you are truly
passionate about.
Your Social Life:
Did you find yourself during your relationship neglecting friendships? Or
not taking the time to cultivate or nourish them? This is an opportunity to
get them back, re-establishing old friendships or making new ones.
Pick up the phone. Call an old friend. Schedule the dinner. Join an
activity or club. Meet new people. Make new friendships. Book the outings.
Book the friend vacations. It will give you some joy during an otherwise
difficult time.
Your Future Relationships:
Starting over does not mean that you won't find love again. Companionship
is a part of basic human needs. While it may feel like it is the end, a
major life change is not the end of companionship. You just have to open
yourself up to the possibility of a healthy relationship.
This may be the hardest part for some. It will take some real reflection on
why your previous relationship did not work out in the first place. It may
mean being open to simply dating people in the beginning purely for the
sake of making connections and learning about yourself through the process.
Many people commit young. They did not truly have the opportunity to
discover what they actually wanted in a partner. They wanted the things —
the wedding, the house, the kids, the happy ending — or placed societal
standards on when they should be settled down. They chose the partner at
the end, not necessarily the right partner for them.
View this as a second lease on life. You have the opportunity to find the
right partner for you, the one that matches your needs (don't neglect
those!). The one that will be your safe place. Learn your love languages.
Find out what really makes you happy. Take it as slow or fast as you want.
There is no perfect timeline. Sometimes the best healing occurs while
cultivating a new relationship, not just when you are working on yourself.
I have been a divorce attorney for twenty years. I have seen a lot of
transformations over those years. I have also dealt with my own. It's not
easy but there is so much opportunity for you out there. Work on one area
at a time or work on them all. See yourself become the person you want to
be, not the person that people expect you to be. You have been there. You
have done that. The only person's opinion that matters about you is you.
Just make yourself feel good in the process.
Article by Jessica Ragno Sprague
Photography by Chad Thompson, Wayne Hills Photography
Originally published in Wayne Lifestyle