Hi Everyone!
Welcome back to Ask Leslie! In this month’s issue, we’re talking about choosing where to volunteer, navigating household responsibilities, hosting without stress and managing friendships. If you’ve been feeling stretched thin or wondering where your energy is best spent, this month’s column is a reminder that you don’t have to do it all to do it well.
xx
Leslie
As a working Mom, how do you balance everything and still decide which school activity or community commitments to volunteer for? I struggle to pick and choose where to devote my time, because every commitment feels meaningful in its own way.
Dear Over-Committed,
First, the fact that you care this much already makes you the kind of parent and community member people want involved. But caring doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.
When life is full, balance becomes less about doing more and more about choosing with intention. I’d start by designating a set number of volunteer hours each month that align most with your values and enjoyment. Once you reach your limit, you stop. A graceful “I’d love to support, but I can’t commit right now” is perfectly acceptable.
We set boundaries for our children with bedtime, screen time, and sugar. Give yourself permission to have limits too. I find that the most powerful commitment us busy moms can make is the one to protect our time, our energy, and our peace.
I suggest creating a separate calendar on your phone with a designated color for each volunteering commitment. It gives you a clear visual of how much you’re taking on each month. And if it starts looking like a rainbow, that’s your cue to scale back.
You don’t need to do everything to make an impact. You just need to fully show up for the things that matter most.
-Leslie
What’s the best approach to handling dishes when hosting? Cleaning up right after the meal or waiting until later. I personally prefer not to do dishes when I’m hosting, but I’m curious what the etiquette really is.
Dear Dish-Avoider,
There’s no hard-and-fast etiquette rule here. This one truly comes down to personal preference.
Some hosts love clearing everything before the next cocktail is poured while others would rather let the dishes linger and stay fully present with their guests. Both approaches are perfectly acceptable.
I understand the appeal of each. Waking up to a clean kitchen feels like a gift to your future self, while staying present with friends has its own immediate rewards. When I host, I tend to quietly load the dishwasher while guests mingle. There’s often one friend who jumps in to help, and I actually love that moment because it turns cleanup into a bit of a one-on-one catch-up sesh.
As a guest, it’s polite to offer to help. As a host, you’re free to accept or decline. Maybe you’d rather have someone topping off glasses or warming the dessert. Use your discretion, read the room, and consider how you’ll feel the next morning.
If you want the evening to feel truly seamless, bringing in hired help is an option too.
My advice is to host the way that feels most natural to you. The best etiquette is the kind that lets everyone enjoy the evening.
Happy hosting!
-Leslie
I’ve been close friends with someone for over 20 years, and I always make an effort to show up for her at her personal events, professional milestones, everything. But when I’m there, she often barely spends time with me and focuses on working the crowd. And when she comes to my events, she just pops in briefly and leaves. How should I handle this imbalance?
Dear Dedicated Friend,
You sound like the kind of friend everyone hopes to have in their life. You show up. You celebrate. You make the effort. That is who you are.
It also sounds like your friend “shows up” very differently, with a presence that can feel inconsistent and self-absorbed. Over time, that imbalance can feel hurtful and disappointing, especially in a friendship that spans decades.
Before jumping to conclusions, I’d ask yourself an important question: has this always been her way, or does it feel new? If it’s new, consider what may have shifted in her life or in yours. Long-standing friendships don’t always grow at the same pace or in the same direction, and sometimes changes in success, visibility, or moment in life can change the dynamic.
A twenty-year friendship is absolutely something to celebrate, but longevity alone doesn’t obligate you to go above and beyond. You don’t need to keep score, but I’d pay attention to how this relationship makes you feel. Continue being the thoughtful friend you are, while also meeting this friendship where it is, not where you wish it would be.
-Leslie
I’m a business owner, a mom, and a partner, but despite my best efforts to divide responsibilities, the cooking and most of the laundry still fall on me. I don’t mind doing some of it, but it’s exhausting and feels unfair, especially since I live with my fiancé and my 23-year-old daughter. Help!
Dear Miss Do-It-All,
Thank you for calling this out, because so many women quietly carry the same load (pun intended!). Being a business owner, a mother, and a partner is already a full-time balancing act. When the majority of the household labor still lands on you, it’s no wonder you’re crying, “Help!”
It sounds like a household rhythm has been established, not necessarily by choice, but by habit. Use this as an opportunity to gently reset expectations. It can simply be a thoughtful conversation about what feels like too much right now and how the household can run more smoothly when everyone contributes in a way that feels fair.
In our house, my husband and I sometimes leave the “hand-wash only” dishes in the sink just to see who will make the first move. I call it “domestic flirting,” and he calls it “dishes do-si-do.” It sounds like your dance partner has been sitting this one out for a bit too long, and it’s time to invite him back onto the floor.
A well-run household, like a well-run business, works best when everyone knows their role. Good luck!
-Leslie
Want to submit a question to Ask Leslie? Email darien@citylifestyle.com or DM me directly on Instagram (and follow along!): ask_leslie_official.