I remember it like it was yesterday. My wife, our two boys, and I were driving to friend’s birthday party. My wife was scrolling Sirus XM. She landed on a station, and the words, “Kobe Bryant and others are dead following a helicopter crash today …” pierced the air inside our car.
My oldest son, who had just turned 4 years old, didn’t miss a beat and pointedly asked, “What does dead mean?” He had danced around this word before in the casual way that children do while playing with toys or having abstract conversations, but this time was different. He was determined that we give him a substantial answer.
I knew this time was coming. By the preschool years, children are starting to understand the concept of death, but they struggle with the idea that death is permanent. My wife and I looked at each other, swallowed, and attempted to answer his question. I don’t remember exactly what we said. I just know that I was relieved when we arrived at the party and his attention shifted to birthday cake.
Two days later, arriving home from a routine preschool pickup, I began the child-seat unbuckling process. As I reached eye level with my son, he looked directly at me and asked, “Daddy, when I die, will you come to Heaven with me?”
I froze. It felt like hours before I was able to speak. Then I steeled myself, gave him a big hug, and told him, “Of course, I will.” It was the best I could do in the moment, but my answer felt insufficient, if not disingenuous.
His question was beautiful, scary, and heartbreaking all at the same time. In the realm of parenthood, I had been in the throes of my own anxiety and grief, having lost my sister, mother, and father within a relatively short span of time. I had been working on healing through many different modalities, but at the time, our son’s question was like a gut punch.
A few days later, I was laid out with emotion. I instinctively pulled out my iPhone and began writing a poem. There was no agenda, just my honest attempt to clumsily answer his question. I sat with it for a while and then had a novel thought: “This would actually be well served as a picture book for children.” And thus, my author journey began.
I’ll Be With You Wherever You Are extends a hand across the divide between adult and childhood to remind us that our spirits are generationally linked and that the energy of love extends beyond time and space.
My ongoing experiences as a leader and speaker at my church, Unity of Wimberley, have shown me that all anyone really wants is to be loved and understood as we go through this great mystery we call life. I believe books for young readers that encourage challenging dialogue and show the strength in vulnerability can help promote genuine, lasting healing.
Parenthood can be challenging. Life is complex and nuanced, but operating from a place of honesty and gratitude for this experience will only enrich our journey. I’m now grateful for all of the uncomfortable questions and subsequent conversations that led to the creation of this book because they facilitate growth … as humans, parents, and caregivers. There are no right answers, but it is my sincere hope that this book might offer some comfort and whimsy to your child, as well as your own inner child, when life’s hard questions arise.
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