(Written by a Labrador Retreiver. Edited by a much smarter Border Collie.)
Wait – what are all those boxes? And why do all of those balls have hooks on them? Is this a new training thing that I’m going to have to learn? (There had better be treats…)
AND WHY IS A TREE GROWING IN MY LIVING ROOM???
What’s going on here?
All of a sudden there are things everywhere. Sparkly things. The hoomans (editor’s note: that’s HUMANS, you idiot. What did they even teach you at obedience school? How did you learn to walk on just four legs? Stop watching memes.) keep saying “I love to see so much red and green!”? What are red and green? Are they treats?
I think I’ll just take a nap on my (editor’s note: Mom’s) bed.
When that silent deer in the backyard wakes me up, it’s time to stretch and find the kids to allow them to play with me. But what in Dog’s name is going on downstairs, and why has all our stuff been replaced with angels and snowflakes and play toys of some guy in a red suit?
Well now I know what those hooks are for. They’re training the tree. I guess it’s time to go water him myself…
Wait – why can’t I go by the tree? Why is its name “Christmas Tree”? And why am I in my timeout cage?
So many questions.
Come dinnertime, I’m not sure, but my usual food tastes sort of piney. I prefer my carrying stick.
Weeks go by. Or maybe minutes. I don’t have a watch – I’m not one of those kinds of dogs.
I just noticed – the cat seems to be outside a lot more these days. And the tree must be getting smarter – there are a lot of those hook things missing.
That dangerous Amazon guy is coming an awful lot now. What’s up with that? Don’t worry, Mom. I’m on it.
There are a lot of new lights in the yard to bark at. Even the music in the house is different. Something is up.
So now Dad says something about Christmas Eve and some guy named Santa will be coming over tonight. Time to go on high alert.
Mom and Dad finally went to bed. They said something about it being a “three o’clock,” whatever that is. And I was told in no uncertain terms that the cookies and milk were NOT for me.
I guess that guy never came over. Hope he doesn’t change his mind and show up in the middle of the night – Mom’s bed is really comfy and I don't want to get up and bark unless it's that Amazon guy again.
Ugh. Why are the kids up so early?
SO. MUCH. PAPER!!!
And I even got a special “good boy” treat.
This Christmas thing is the best, whatever it is.