Cleansing, Hardcore

My diet, which I’ve longed believed to be healthy, is not. My small handful of raw almonds has morphed into large fistfuls of chocolate-covered almonds, and instead of eating kale and spinach I simply buy them and let them rot in my refrigerator.

I wanted to get healthy and I wanted to do it fast. I signed up for a juice cleanse with Embody Fitness Gourmet, which offers cleanses rich in nutrients and include protein-packed smoothies. Embody offers cleanses for 1-7 days. I chose a five day cleanse because it’s harder than a three-day and a seven-day would mean cleansing over the weekend which wasn’t going to happen.

I figured, it’d be five days of hell and on the sixth day I’d have a dewey complexion, scads of energy, and a reason to reward myself.

But that was conjecture. Here’s a blow-by-blow of what really happened:

Day 1. Well, that was a long day.

Embody numbers the juices and smoothies in the order they should be consumed:

  1. lemon, cayenne, maple, filtered water
  2. kale, spinach, celery, cucumber, lemon, ginger
  3. raw cashew butter, spirulina, avocado, kale, lime, banana, pineapple, coconut water
  4. aloe vera, juiced apple, filtered water
  5. apple cider vinegar, turmeric, carrot, lemon
  6. black chia, carob, avocado, banana, almond butter, cinnamon, brain octane oil

The smoothies, #3 and #6, are dense and filling and the only nominally sweet drinks. The apple cider vinegar shot is a shock to the tastebuds, but I forced it down. Although I have a bit of a headache (my neurons screaming for a carb fix) and I’m tired, I feel pretty good. I haven’t yelled at anyone. Yet.

Day 2: Woke up with a headache and I would love a cup of coffee. But I can’t have one. Grrr… The morning drink has a spicy kick so it’s a good substitute for caffeine. Aside from that, waking up was pretty easy. Slept well, not starving this morning.

I’ve been sleepy throughout the day. Took some Advil for the headache but it keeps coming back.

5:00 p.m. is the toughest time. I’m keeping myself busy with carpools and whatnot and, so far, haven’t had to cook dinner, thanks to frozen meals and dinners at friends’ homes.

Day 3: Thought I’d be full of energy but I’m not. Maybe because it’s raining? Felt enervated all day.

Energy increased in the late afternoon/evening so hoping I’m over the hump. But I’m also bored. Can’t go out for dinner or drinks because who wants to eat a meal next to someone sipping lemon water? Not me.

I want to eat.

Day 4: Feeling good, especially because the end is near. My skin looks better than it has for a while and my eyes aren’t puffy when I wake up.

Went to a neighborhood potluck party. Everyone was drinking wine and blood orange margaritas, eating calzones and guacamole. I mingled with my plastic bottle of smoothie, waiting for the time to pass so I could eat again.

Day 5: Last day! I nearly bounced into Embody to pick up my juices, fighting hard to keep my smile from leaping off my face.

The struggle is definitely real and worth it. As adults we rarely get the sense of accomplishment that our kids do, such as completing final exams or turning in a big paper. The cleanse gave me this little thrill.

I’m energized, my skin glows, and I’ve lost 4 pounds. I’m in an odd position in that I feel smug and superior to every carb-munching, caffeine-swilling dipsomaniac around me, yet I long to be among them.

The EMBODY Cleanse was designed in concert with their nutrition and detox expert. It uses the best proven detox ingredients and macronutrients, incorporating them into satisfying, great tasting drinks.

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