Hey there, neighbors. My name is Dave and I’m a dad to four amazing kids who’ve lived in Dripping Springs since 2018. It’s a community that we’ve come to love, and one that we appreciate more and more over time. I just can’t imagine living anywhere else.
When I was approached about writing an article for the magazine, the pitch was health and wellness. It is January when gym attendance is high and closing the books on a year has many of us thinking “new year, new me” when it comes to better habits and routines. Since intentionally pursuing health has been a game changer in my life, I’m all for it, but I’m also going to challenge how we approach it. A more holistic approach to health has been meaningful in accessing something far greater in my life.
One of the most important questions I ask myself regularly is “how do you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself?” It’s a question of how much you respect yourself for honoring the commitments you’ve made to yourself. It’s the dignity that comes from doing what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it. The way living in integrity with who you hope to become creates access to self-love.
Coming out of the holidays, I hope you got all you hoped for in presents and presence with the ones you love. And still, I’m guessing we all hope for a gift that we often struggle to get. Love for ourselves. Being proud of how we live our lives as who we hope to be—both for ourselves and the ones we love.
Here's where your health and fitness journey comes into play. For me, it’s been an exercise in getting very specific about where I’m at, who I aspire to be, and the very detailed things that would need to exist in every aspect of health to help me get there. Not just physical health but mental, emotional, relational and spiritual health as well.
This community, its schools, and our church have been incredible constants in a world that’s otherwise always changing. Warm socks for the cold feet that come when adjusting to new. The identity shifts came in moving from California to Texas, from a corporate career to entrepreneurship, from being married to divorced, building a company with a partner to doing so on my own, and the bizarre experience of living a more private life to one that’s a bit more public at times as an author, speaker, podcaster, and small business consultant.
In all of it, intentionally tending to my holistic health has been a must in keeping my head above water. Not the short-term diet or resolution but really casting a vision for who I wanted to be amidst all the change. How did I want to show up for my kids, friends, community, or clients, and what foundation would need to be in place to make sure I was able to be who I say I want to be irrespective of what change comes next?
To do so, I started looking at life in three-month windows. Understanding the intricacies of the current environment, I asked myself this question:
“What do you need in this season to inch you closer to this vision of who you hope to become?”
I asked it against each of the five dimensions of health, because as it turns out, your health is the foundation from which everything else is possible. The answers would create the way my calendar, connection with people, consumption of media, food, beverage, and more would lay out in the three months that sit ahead. It created the small, attainable goals that would keep forward momentum in my never-ending work-in-progress journey of growth.
To get there, I offer a three-step process for you to embark on early in this year:
1. A radically honest assessment of where you are. A deep audit of what’s working and what isn’t in your life today. How is your current approach setting you up for success? What’s getting in your way? The audit includes:
- Assessing existing habits and routines.
- Being honest about coping mechanisms.
- Reviewing your calendar over the past year to see good uses of time or where new boundaries are needed.
- Taking stock of the circle of people who influence you.
- Owning the impact of the media and content you consume.
2. A very clear, specific, detailed vision of where you’d like to go. Calling your shot on who you hope to become. It’s going to take:
- A vision of who you’ll become that runs like a movie in your head.
- A plan for how you’ll regularly show up (I’ll show you how to build it in a second).
- A detailed description of how you hope to feel each day.
3. The tactical details required to get you from here to there, diving into:
- Building the habits and routines you’ll need to commit to daily.
- Connecting to a “why” stronger than your excuses to maintain momentum on the days you don’t feel like it.
- Understanding the kind of support necessary to get there.
Once you’ve done your audit, it’s time to ask these questions of yourself. Do so acknowledging the work above that keeps it realistic to where you are and practical to assist you in where you’re heading. Here’s mine in real-time:
What do I need in this season to support my physical health?
● Structured routine. I thrive in committing to a program that I don’t negotiate with. What I eat and when I go to the gym are set before I can talk myself out of it.
● Move my body to change the way I think. Most of my physical goals are connected to my mental health. I get out and move every single day as a combination of therapy and church.
● Set aggressive goals to remind myself of how strong I can be. I’ve needed things to work toward that were beyond my previous physical thresholds to show myself that, even in a hard season, I can do hard things. I just competed in my first physique competition and have my next one in April.
What do I need in this season for my spiritual health?
● I need to connect to a power greater than myself every single day. As James 4:8 says, “When you draw near to God, He draws near to you.”
● Community with people who share my beliefs to reinforce and remind me of my truth on the days my faith feels tested.
● Diverse points of view that broaden my understanding and appreciation of God, the universe, nature, energy, and how all are interconnected.
What do I need in this season for my emotional health?
● I need to find ways to understand what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. Reading books has often shown the way.
● I need some dang peace. Intentional time without screens, often on my back patio or in nature.
● I need to stay connected to all that I have to be grateful for. Every single day starts with a gratitude practice focusing on all the good that already exists.
What do I need in this season for my mental health?
● Professional freaking help. Therapy is my friend. Therapy is your friend.
● Purpose, meaning, and impact from the work I do going forward. My future vision considers what I stand for (personal values), who I’m trying to become, and way I might impact others.
● Grace. I need a huge serving of grace when I push into new spaces. I am hardest on myself and I have to be intentional with the way I talk to myself when things don’t go my way.
What do I need in this season for my relational health?
● I need to lean into my family. The only way I can pursue the impact I hope for in the future is by staying connected to what’s most important to me. Deliberate time, without screens. I want my kids to feel seen and understood and it starts with how I engage regularly.
● Connection. Finding community here in Dripping Springs with people who share my passion and openness to vulnerability to normalize this human experience.
● Boundaries from anyone who wants to steal my fight for joy. My calendar, social feed, and text exchanges are all exclusive to positivity. Life is already hard enough to have to also carry the weight of a jerk.
So, there you go. My approach to defining what I need, so that I have a roadmap to how I’d need to act in order to get there. I apply all of these observations into something I call “If/Then”. If I want to have these kinds of relationships, then I’ll have to do these things. If I want to preserve my mental health, then I’ll have to lean on these recourses or implement these practices. It takes a little bit of work, but it’s also been so effective in outlining how to approach health to get optimal returns.
Look, I know the new year is here and so too are the resolutions. The fuel from the turning of a page of the calendar to show up better for ourselves than we have through the holidays. I mean, all the dinners and desserts with family were so delicious . . . and also my pants are tight. I get it.
And like you, I’ve made resolutions and tried every fad diet. I’ve had memberships to gyms and until recently used them intermittently. Usually in that rush toward a reunion or wedding. The thing I’ve come to learn (and didn’t appreciate for most of my adult life) is that resolutions or diets or any short-lived run to be healthier isn’t the game.
- First, they rarely stick. It’s reported that more than 80% of people abandon their resolutions before February, while 95% of all diets fail.
- Second, the inspiration to make change must be anchored to something that isn’t more important than the excuses you’ll make when you quit.
Success comes back to understanding “why” you’re making change in the first place. Both require that change to become something that’s now part of your long-term identity, your everyday lifestyle, or it just won’t work. Know your “why” and anchor to it before you tackle the how.
I’ll finish by arguing that the opportunity to love yourself, have pride for your actions and feel dignity for doing the things you’d need to do to be the person you’d hope to become for yourself and those you love is something that will stick. I know I can’t be who I hope to become without it, nor can I be who my most important relationships deserve if I don’t fight for it. Same is true for you.
So, here’s to the year ahead. Here’s to committing to your health and keeping the promises you make to yourself. In doing so, it’s something that will change your life, not just for now but forever.