It is easy to find ourselves a spectator. We can find so much joy in watching the most talented perform, in sports or on the big screen. Yet, quickly, to the public eye, a celebration of talent can turn to voyeurism, praise to idolization, critique to judgment, of course exacerbated by the 24-hour eye of social media.
DeMar DeRozan is no stranger to celebrity. He has become a new community member of Colorado as he enters his 18th year in the NBA, signed to the Denver Nuggets, bringing with him a six-time All-Star career and currently ranks #16 (and climbing) on the NBA All-Time scoring list.
But the road to success isn’t always easy, and at times, too many eyes can be lonely. DeMar has become an advocate for mental health in sports through sharing his journey with the public eye. He’s a role model for young men and peers to talk openly about mental health, and continues sharing stories, which he does through his docuseries Dinners with DeMar.
I sat down with him to have a conversation, person to person, about his journey, his work and, yes, chess.
KELLY:
You have quite the resume and a lot more to come. There’s a lot on the internet to read, but I’d love to know who you are, from you.
DEMAR:
Yeah, I would say, I’m somebody who likes to keep to myself for the most part. I keep my circle of family and friends simple, but I’m still a kid at heart, nothing too complex when it comes to me, honestly.
I had to push back just a bit. DeMar has an impressive resume: an NBA star, docuseries creator, advocate. He has authored a powerful book, ‘Above the Noise, My Story of Chasing Calm,’ with the foreword written by Hall of Fame NBA Coach Gregg Popovich. He’s had dinner on his docuseries with some incredible people: actress, comedian, and author Tiffany Haddish and fellow NBA player Dwayne Wade. But beyond his accolades, DeMar was generous, compassionate, and profound.
In 2018, he shared a tweet on his struggles with depression that sparked a pivotal moment in the conversation around mental health in professional sports, and the aftermath has led to me wanting to know how it all started.
DEMAR:
I think it came about accidentally; it fell into a place, you know? Speaking about the things that we go through as athletes. I wanted to bring to the forefront of what it's like, and maybe share the behind-the-scenes of the conversations I may have with people I'm close to.
It can be a tough thing because we're all human, and there can be a lot of lonely moments that come. Meanwhile, you can only just sit back and be the one that just takes the blows from the outside world.
KELLY:
There is such a disconnect between the public and who the public is watching.
DEMAR:
Yeah, of course. I’m just trying to normalize it more than anything—athletes, celebrities, any walk of life—we are all the same type of humans and we kind of go through the same thing.
In his docuseries, DeMar talks to guests about these realities. Wade discusses his journey avoiding, and eventually arriving at, therapy, and Haddish, a long-time friend from home, discusses her experience with online hate and cruelty. The series lives on his YouTube channel and is available free of charge, so anyone can access these conversations, relate to the experiences being shared, and hopefully find the support or the encouragement needed to seek help.
DEMAR:
I think from my standpoint of just being viewed, when you're in this type of profession, and people are criticizing you, you’re under the microscope, but the public forgets that you’re a person with feelings, and it can start to feel like an animal in a zoo. That’s one angle the general public doesn't get a chance to see.
The thing is, everybody's feelings matter, and everybody has a different perspective on how they go about those things.
The more I talked with DeMar, the more his compassion underscored his mission; we’re all just human at the end of the day. We need each other, and by talking we can help each other. On the topic of meeting each other human to human, I asked DeMar if there was a question he wished he got to talk more about that people aren’t asking when someone's under the microscope like that.
DEMAR:
That’s a really good question. Hmm, yeah, that’s good. I think it is just that the question should be actually from a human standpoint. You may think you see or know a person who is just good at sports. But maybe they’re more than the sport. It’s looking them in the eye as a human first and foremost, you know what I mean? I hope more people can take that approach if anything.
After that, DeMar and I continued to talk, human to human. We talked about how instead of feeling like he’s good or bad at something new…
DEMAR:
If I choose to do it, it's me learning and wanting to continue to grow and investing in something I spend my time on. Not labeling if I’m bad, or putting myself down like that. I mean, when I go to sing, I’m not trying to be Whitney Houston.
We laugh about that.
KELLY:
What else are you learning?
DEMAR:
Oh, I’ve been playing chess.
KELLY:
Chess??
DEMAR:
Haha, yeah. I mean, it’s great. You know, I'm always trying to find new things to stimulate the mind and not be complacent and stuck doing the exact thing over. It’s refreshing to try something new.
My conversation with DeMar has really stuck with me. My desire to welcome him to our shared home, a bit of nervousness about talking to, well, a celebrity, his inspirational work, all seems far away. What he has left me with, I’m grateful for. It is the thing that his work advocates for: his willingness to simply give, for a connection, human to human, that deconstructs the barriers between us.
You can find all Dinners with DeMar episodes, support, ask a friend to dinner, or host your own screening and find an accompanying discussion guidebook on DinnersWithDemar.com.