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Asanti’s Top 10 Rules for Self-Love


Article by Asanti David

Photography by Asanti David

Self-love could be outrightly categorized as being point blank selfish, but it’s actually a necessity in our human lives. It’s an appreciation of oneself, and recognizing that no life is more significant than your own. It’s the inability to sacrifice one's own peace, happiness and security for others' well-being. It’s the ability to be self-preserving. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. 

Generally, most people find it difficult to ascertain the concept of self-love and how to practice it.  

Self-love entails several factors. It’s appreciating all of your imperfections and improving focus on nourishing the body physically, mentally, and emotionally. It can also encompass achieving other important milestones in spiritualism and psychology, boosting personal trust and truth, health consciousness, relaxation from stress, improving creativity and boosting self-esteem. It implies that we become more conscious about how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. It’s forgiving ourselves to help us become better people to those around us. Self-love is neither classic narcissism nor is it self-loathing .

Self-love has the following importance:

● It boosts energetic balance, well-being, self-esteem, and overall health of an individual

● Individuals can build positive relationships with others’ and achieve inner peace

● People can understand themselves better and experience a magnitude of  personal growth

● With self-love, individuals can build a better stance against personal adversities like stress, anxiety, and depression

Here are my top 10 rules for self-love. These rules guide the practice and the development of self love in varying personalities.

1. Give Love to Yourself

It is pertinent to always pay attention to the way you speak to yourself. Always learn to speak positive words to yourself. Take words like, “I’’m so stupid”, “I’m such an idiot”, “I can’t do anything right” out of your vocabulary and start speaking to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love. Look in the mirror daily and give yourself words of affirmations. Tell yourself how beautiful you woke up this morning. 

2. Never Limit Yourself 

Your possibilities are endless and you almost always manifest what you speak into existence with your words and obsessive negative thinking habits. Focus your thoughts on positive outcomes. Take words like “probably”, “I can’t”, and “this is impossible” out of your vocabulary. We already live in a society that has been putting limitations on us from birth, so why cage yourself up even more. We have to abstain from putting limitations on ourselves and others. 

3. Trust Yourself and Honor Your Instinct

If you don’t trust yourself who else will trust you. Nobody knows you more than you know yourself so you need to chart your path as you desire and assure yourself that whilst you are doing that, you are on the right path. Recognize that the other person doesn’t necessarily know more than you, they just know what they need to know in relevance to their journey. Neither one of us walk the same path so always listen to your own intuition , or your inner guidance and trust that you know all that you need to know in relevance to your personal journey. 

Get comfortable not knowing more than you need to know.  

4. Be Honest With Yourself

This cannot be over emphasized. You definitely cannot lie to yourself. Honesty with oneself is inbuilt and it goes a long way in ensuring that you don’t go traipsing the wrong way. “Tune into yourself and be comfortable with you, exactly who you are and as you are.” - Alicia Keys 

4. Explore Yourself and Your Sexuality

Take out time to dig deep and uncover yourself. Explore yourself and discover all the hidden parts in your nooks and crannies. Discover what makes you comfortable and what brings you joy and stick to it. I discovered this a long time ago and it has helped me a great deal.

5. Let go of Perfectionism

Perfectionism actually doesn’t make you whole so let it go. This school of thought makes you think that ...

“if you look perfect, act perfect and think perfect, then you can in a way avoid criticism.” –Renee Brown 

There's nothing wrong with enhancing your beauty, and mind if you're doing it in an attempt to strive to be a better version of yourself, for yourself, without the thought of being validated from others’ being attached to your expected outcome. People will always criticize you, no matter what you do so just stick to what makes you happy.

6. Be Patient With Yourself

Learn to be patient with yourself and trust the process. It is not necessarily waiting but contentment with your process and trusting that you will reach your desired outcome. There is no need in worrying about how long it's taking to get to where you're going because your arrival is already guaranteed as long as you're putting in optimal effort.  Keep in mind that real growth takes time. I’m always patient with myself.

7. Put Yourself First

Learn to indulge in self care and always put yourself first. Take care of yourself. Be it health, career, social etc.,  always learn to make time for yourself to do the things that you enjoy and make yourself your No. 1 priority. I treat myself on a monthly basis. I’m big on beauty enhancements, such as laser skin rejuvenation, laser vaginal rejuvenation and vagi facials, facials, pedicures, nails, hair—you name it, I love it, baby. So treat yourself, if not you then who?

8. Be Assertive 

You are not a doormat to be walked all over. Stand up for yourself and speak out against harsh or unfair treatment. It’s your job to protect yourself and your energy. Don’t let yourself be tainted by negativity. Avoid any and all forms of abuse. Exert your confidence and set boundaries. Do not let people encroach so much into your personal space. Learn to keep your distance, it’ll help you both mentally and physically.

9. Know Your Worth 

It’s important that you know your worth as an individual. Everything that I require in a relationship and a friendship I can reciprocate. Set your standards and never deviate from them. You can’t get NBA All Star weekend tickets at a discounted rate so why sell yourself short to others’? Know your value and uphold it.

10. Express Yourself Freely 

Learn to know when and how to express yourself in the appropriate manner. If you are definitely comfortable with yourself then you would realize that true expression comes from within and helps you achieve true self love. Communicate from your heart space, not from a place of ego, or the mind.

Love yourself!