DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT BEING A ROCKSTAR FEELS LIKE? Then you don’t need Jimi’s fingers, Freddie’s pipes, Ozzy’s constitution, or Iggy’s body fat. To (loosely) quote The Beatles:
All you need is beer
All you need is beer
All you need is beer, beer
Beer is all you need
“Wow!” you are no doubt thinking to yourself at this exact moment. “You mean to say I can experience the thrill of being a rockstar as easily as teaming up with just any brand of beer?”
NO. I do not mean to say that at all. In fact, only one brewery values FUN and PARTYING enough to transform you (and a plus one) into THE LIVING EMBODIMENT OF GOOD TIMES. I am speaking, of course, of the August Schell Brewing Company (the second-oldest family-owned brewery in America), which owns Grain Belt (as advertised next to the Hennepin Avenue Bridge), brews Nordeast (a lightly malty, softly hoppy, and madly refreshing amber lager), and is now giving away ULTIMATE ROCKSTAR PACKAGES!
[This Heading Represents a Sweet Electric Guitar Riff]
“We’ve been talking about doing this for years,” said Scott Hislop, senior manager at Schell’s Brewery. “And now, it’s finally time. We’re solidifying Nordeast’s reputation as the world’s greatest accompaniment to live music by giving away dream concert experiences!”
Avenged Sevenfold. Chris Stapleton. Dave Matthews. Mötley Crüe. My Chemical Romance. Ne-Yo and Akon. Noah Kahan. Pitbull and Lil Jon. These are just some of the scintillating live performances Nordeast is handing out tickets to as freely as banks do little lollipops!
And You Get to Choose Which Kind of Concert You’ll See
You don’t even have to buy any Nordeast (although doing so is highly recommended). All you have to do is scan the QR code displayed on any of the tens of thousands of coasters Nordeast is thoughtfully supplying to fine drinking establishments throughout the Twin Cities metropolitan area, as well as signs at fine bottle shops throughout the same.
Alternatively, you can visit GrainBelt.com, where you’ll be prompted to enter your contact information (which will be treated with the utmost sanctity) and choose which genre of music you like best. If you are lucky (like all magazine readers characteristically are), you will win two tickets to THE BIG SHOW (most likely at beautiful Mystic Lake Amphitheater where you can also enjoy the Schell’s Biergarten, though The Armory and Grand Casino Arena are also in the running).
Driving? Pfft. Forget About That. Leave It to Executive Transportation!
Nordeast and music go together like Hall and Oates. It goes with most anything, if I’m being perfectly honest. But if there is one experience the beer cannot complement, it’s operating a motor vehicle.
“We really wanted the Ultimate Rockstar Package to live up to its name,” said Scott. “That’s why we’ve partnered with Executive Transportation, who will pick winners up in a luxury vehicle (fully stocked with ice-cold Nordeast, quite naturally, in addition to other swag) and treat them to true red carpet service – complete with a real, honest-to-goodness red carpet – as they whisk them around the Twin Cities to dinner, the big show, and finally The Marquette Hotel in downtown Minneapolis. Huge shoutout to Executive Transportation founder Gus Ortis for his expertise in putting this whole thing together, including arranging our winners’ accommodations at The Marquette. They include two complimentary breakfasts!”
THAT’S RIGHT: two breakfasts, just like Jimmy Page and Robert Plant ate before recording “Stairway to Heaven.”
Have you always dreamt of destroying something during a night of partying, like you are the drummer for The Who after eating too much sugar? Don’t do it at The Marquette! It’s too nice a place for those kinds of antics. Instead, simply smash the electric guitar you will be provided free of charge during the preceding evening.
Don’t Let So Much Fun Slip Through Your Extremely Deserving Fingers
Look for those QR codes – or, just as well, visit GrainBelt.com to enter the running. If you don’t win, that’s OK! Nordeast will repeat the contest every quarter. Try your luck again October through December, January through March, or during any of the other fine quarters the Gregorian calendar has to offer.