Few topics are as uncomfortable or avoided as death. Yet Victoria Burke, a third-generation mortician and funeral director with more than 30 years of experience, believes that embracing this reality can lead to profound healing and a celebration of life.
Her journey into the world of mortuary science began with a traumatic experience at age 16, which ultimately shaped her compassionate approach to helping families navigate their darkest hours. "Every person I take care of, I treat as if they were my own family," Victoria explains. This philosophy stems from a deeply personal place: the loss of her beloved church elder, Reverend Mother Foreman. What she now sees as the mishandling of Mother Foreman's funeral left a lasting impact on Victoria, inspiring her to pursue a career in mortuary science and, more recently, to revolutionize the way we approach death and remembrance.
Victoria's mission is clear: to help people "go out in style," not in the flashy, materialistic sense, but in a way that authentically honors the essence of who they were. "Your style is the fiber of your legacy," she says. "It's about who you've created yourself to be in this world."
This personalized approach to memorializing our loved ones means digging deeper than just basic biographical information. Victoria asks about hobbies, favorite vacation spots, and cherished memories. She believes that understanding these details allows for a more meaningful celebration of life. One touching example she shares is of a woman who loved quilting. At her funeral, Victoria arranged for the church pews to be draped with more than 100 of the woman's handmade quilts. "When people walked in, they just started crying," she recalls. "They felt like she was there." Afterward, attendees were invited to take a quilt home, allowing them to keep a tangible piece of their loved one's legacy.
Victoria emphasizes that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to memorials. While she personally prefers a traditional funeral with a choir and tear-jerking gospel songs, she recognizes that others may want something entirely different. She's helped plan everything from formal church services to lively parties that feel like the deceased could walk in at any moment. The key, Victoria stresses, is capturing the individual's unique spirit. This might mean incorporating their favorite music, showcasing their artwork, or even honoring their perpetual tardiness (as in one memorable funeral where Victoria's uncharacteristic late arrival unexpectedly brought comfort to the family of a chronically tardy man!)
In today's digital age, Victoria sees great potential in using technology to preserve and share legacies. She recently co-founded an end-of-life concierge and technology company called Clozure.io that is working with local first responders and others whose jobs bring them into contact with families who have lost a loved one. Clozure first offers an online “vault” where people can store their important documents, making them available only after death to a designated “legacy contact.” It then ties this vault to a Clozure Card™, a physical card with a unique QR code on it that may be scanned by first responders or medical personnel to retrieve information on how to reach that contact and to retrieve the deceased’s final medical directives and/or a DNR if one exists. Having notarized copies of a person’s permission for organ donation, for example, can speed life-saving help to the living. If someone’s religion prompts a request that only the family touch the body, this request too can be logged.
But the vault has other purposes. Planning one’s own memorial in advance can give your loved ones the time they need to grieve. Too often, in the absence of such directives, relatives are forced to make consequential, expensive decisions in the throes of what psychologists have dubbed “grief brain,” a kind of mental fog created by personal loss. It’s also a place where important passwords and video good-bye notifications can be stored and scheduled for release upon a certification of death.
Gathering family photos and histories can be particularly therapeutic, and can spark storytelling that cements your legacy. Such visual narratives can be especially powerful for non-religious services, offering a way to honor the person's journey without traditional religious elements. Such was the case with a send-off Clozure planned for Tom Sizemore, an actor best known for his role in Saving Private Ryan, when he died unexpectedly last year. For that service, Victoria received one of the highest compliments to be had in her profession: “Tom would have loved to be here!”
Victoria’s decade of serving at Forest Lawn put her at the center of celebrity funerals like Michael Jackson and Ronald Reagan. What she learned from all such gatherings is that the funeral or the memorial is ultimately for the family, not the public. It’s in this context that we recognize and appreciate the special, private moments that were afforded Nancy Reagan in mourning the death of her beloved “Ronnie.” Always remember to build in simple moments for those private farewells.
And what of those left behind? How do we comfort the grieving when words feel inadequate? Victoria's advice is surprisingly simple: "It's not even what you say. It's your body and your posture." She advocates for a humble approach – a gentle touch, a heartfelt hug, or simply being present. "Sometimes all you can say is, 'I love you, and I'm right here,'" she adds. One thing not to say: "I understand." No matter how similar the circumstances may seem, each person's grief is unique. Instead, she encourages people to love in whatever way feels natural to them, whether through words, actions, or simply a comforting presence.
Victoria hopes that planning for the inevitable will come to be seen as a final act of kindness for your family. Having a concierge who knows how to deal with all the details of death a simple phone call away will come to be seen as a necessity for grieving families, she adds, and that’s why she is building Clozure – “to take some of the misery out of death.”
Ultimately, Victoria's approach to "going out in style" is about more than just the funeral itself. It's about leaving a legacy of love, creating meaningful connections, and giving those left behind a sense of closure and peace. By embracing the reality of death and planning thoughtfully, “we can transform what is often seen as a somber occasion into a powerful celebration of life!” she asserts.
And, in case you’re wondering, Victoria's own funeral plans reflect this philosophy. While she wants traditional elements like a church service and gospel music – something from the catalogue of her father, R&B legend Solomon Burke, perhaps. She also envisions some theatrical touches: a horse-drawn carriage, a flyover, and even "rainbows and marching bands!" It's a reminder that even in death, there's room for joy and celebration.
Schedule a free consultation at Clozure.io , visit @GetClozure on Instagram or call 844-CLOZURE.