How did you get into the world of etiquette initially?
My grandmother was super involved in my upbringing, and she was very etiquette-conscious. Not only did she teach me good manners, but she had impeccable style and grace. I always admired and looked up to her. After I graduated college, I worked as a nurse for years before I stopped to raise our four children. As my children grew older—they’re in their teens and twenties now—technology became more and more prevalent. I saw the shift within my own family from interpersonal relationships to relationships with technology and how it impacted my children socially. Etiquette, at its core, is about respecting people around you, and I saw that my children weren’t learning those skills from the world around them.
I was dead set on attending a specific etiquette program in Atlanta, but with four young kids and a husband who worked constantly, it wasn’t realistic for me to take time away from home to complete the course. When COVID hit, the course was finally offered online, so it was the perfect opportunity for me to learn the skills I was seeking and subsequently open my own business. Since then, I’ve had the chance to study in London, Los Angeles, and New York City with some of the most prestigious etiquette schools in the world. I’ve loved the journey, and I continue to train all the time because it’s just so fun for me.
How has your etiquette training played into your role as Mrs. Cumberland County?
My platform as Mrs. Cumberland County is all about the first seven seconds, which is how long it takes someone to form a first impression of you. We do this subconsciously—it’s hardwired into our brains from thousands of years ago when people had to decide: Is this person a threat? Do I need to run? Do I need to fight? Do they look friendly? Are they a potential mate?
When I teach "The First Seven Seconds," I’m helping people figure out what they already have within themselves or what they can develop that will create a good first impression. I’ve worked with women who are recovering from addiction and people who are seeking asylum in Portland, and with these groups we talk about everything from eye contact and smiling to posture and societal norms. It’s really a message that’s applicable to anyone, from children to adults, men and women, regardless of your socioeconomic status. It doesn’t matter where you are in your career—everyone can benefit from reflecting and saying, What’s my superpower? What am I going to put forth into the world that will present the best version of myself? And in pageantry, that’s exactly what you’re trying to do: project the best version of yourself.
Since this is our food and drink issue, let’s talk about dining etiquette and table manners. What are some common mistakes you see at the table?
One of the most common mistakes I see is not knowing which water glass is yours. There’s an easy way to remember that, and in the etiquette world we called it BMW: bread, meal, water. The bread plate is always on your left, the meal is in the middle, and water is on your right.
Another thing I see all the time is the phone at the table. If you’re sharing a meal with someone, commit to that person or group. If there’s an emergency and you need to be on your phone, just excuse yourself and walk away from the table.
What foods are currently trending, and do you have any tips for eating them appropriately?
Oysters are huge, especially here in Maine, and I have a couple pointers. First, you actually do eat it out of the shell. The little fork they give you is just there to stir it up and loosen the oyster meat from the shell. When eating, you should take the shell right up to your mouth and slurp it, and when you’re done, the shell goes back in the ice or on the plate face down.
Caviar is also trending like wild right now—people love it for the experience and what’s involved. You should always use the oyster pearl spoon so as not to oxidize the caviar. Champagne and caviar tastings are gaining popularity, which brings me to alcohol. Whenever you’re drinking champagne or wine from a stemmed glass or flute, you should hold it by the stem, not the bowl. Another tip: drunk never looks good, so keep it classy. You don’t need more than one or two drinks to have a good time.
Any other dining-related etiquette we should keep in mind?
- When there’s a basket of bread at the table, you should always pass to the right. Never bite into the bread or roll—always break off a small piece and eat that.
- When there’s a shared bowl of salsa or guac, always put a spoonful on your chip plate instead of dipping into the bowl directly.
- When someone asks you to pass the salt or pepper, always pass them together. And it’s bad etiquette to put salt or pepper on your food before you taste it—you should at least try the dish before adding extra seasoning.
- If you have a purse or a bag of any sort, the bag can go behind you in your chair, but never on the table.
- If your drink comes with a garnish, you can eat it as long as you don’t have to reach into the drink to get it. If there’s fruit on the rim or an olive on a toothpick, that’s fair game, but if you have to scoop it out of your beverage or dig into the drink, skip it.
"Etiquette, at its core, is about respecting people around you."
- Jennifer Wahlig, founder of Equipage Etiquette