Walking towards the covered bridge, I watch the other Warrior Moms hug and laugh, something they do easily. A photoshoot for our new book Grieve Like a Mother, Survive Like a Warrior, I feel excitement and pride. I know how difficult these chapters were to write. Black letters on a white page make our reality more stark: our children died. Yet, we don turquoise capes this photoshoot day, holding hands, laughing at the silliness but gaining strength from one another.
I remember walking into my first Warrior Moms’ meeting and thinking I was in the wrong place. It sounded like a fun dinner party. Could this be right? I peeked in, and a mom greeted me with a giant hug and said, “You must be Michele. We hate that you’re here but are glad you found us.” I knew these were my people. Meeting monthly, the Warrior Moms of North Atlanta have potluck dinners, share stories, and then end the evening circling up to talk about our children who died. Tears and sometimes deep sobs—none of us have to say a word if we don’t want to. It’s a club no one wants to join, and the pain is real.
We are grateful to Christi Howard and Christine McHenry, who met with Cathy Semeria and other grieving moms for dinner in December 2017. Christine posted a picture on Facebook, and many moms reached out to ask when they’d meet next. Christi created a Facebook group, chose the next date, and named it Warrior Moms. Our gratitude for them is endless as these women intentionally share grief and find joy.
At one meeting, Christine suggested we write a book, and many agreed. We had a weekend retreat, writing drafts to share at the firepit, and lighting paper lanterns to float across the lake, symbolizing the loss of a child. We sang Coldplay’s Fix You, crying when we hit the lyrics, “Lights will guide you home, ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.” We shared our chapters, and the book journey began.
As an English teacher, I offered to read the chapters and figure out the book’s format. Most moms didn’t consider themselves writers and felt vulnerable. I was honored to shape the pages, knowing the tears that dropped while writing them. I created mini-workshops and a writing retreat to help capture their children’s spirits, allowing readers to see them in action and bring strategies to life with narratives. It was hard work. Watching the cursor blink, trying not to break apart, felt cruel at times.
I knew publishing a book required a social media presence. Podcasts were one avenue, so I asked Santa for podcast equipment and let the Warrior Moms know. Two months passed with no takers. Another Warrior Mom, Amy Durham, texted, “Let’s do this. I’m in!” The next week, we sat in the Alpharetta library with microphones and a sound mixer. It was thrilling and terrifying, but we felt pulled to make it happen. In just a year, we had over 15,000 downloads in 55 countries. The interest humbles us.
Looking back at our photos from that March day, some might wonder why superheroes are on our book cover. Surviving the loss of a child is a pain words cannot express. We crawl into our beds, scream, and cry behind closed doors. Yet we also get up to be moms to our surviving children, and wives to grieving husbands, while maintaining jobs, friendships, bills, and housekeeping. None of these tasks are superhuman, but paired with sorrow, they sure feel that way.
We wanted our book cover to show the fierceness of a grieving mom and the need for each other, a softness that gives us superhuman empathy. I see Rae Ann Gruver speak about hazing risks for her Max. Jenny Stanley fights for car safety for children; Sydney is proud. Cathy Semeria mentors college students, being the spark in the dark like her Tini. Robyn Willis fights for fire safety, keeping Shaun and Morgan’s memory alive. Dele Rech’s foundation for Daniel reminds us to get outdoors and do good for others. Lisa Raber and Amy Durham raise funds for addiction recovery in honor of Keaton and Alec. Brandi Couey keeps Cole’s memory alive with fundraisers, Emily Simmons honors Darren online, and Joan Wasser supports equine projects for her daughter Alex. Christi Howard speaks about the importance of organ donation, honoring Ashley, and Christine McHenry donates scholarships in honor of their athlete Jamie. I host a pick-up lacrosse game, honoring Carter. They give back to their communities who helped them breathe again.
We wrote the book we wished we had in those early months and years. It tells the truth about the terrible pain and dark days, but more importantly, about strategies we use to seek sunshine, go on hikes in the rain, and have deep laughter with friends and family. It doesn’t follow the five stages of grief and doesn’t sugarcoat the journey. We give firsthand accounts of how we live in the ‘and’ of sorrow and joy, anger and happiness. Sometimes, we force ourselves to get out of bed for a child’s soccer game, but we also give ourselves the grace to “feel the feels,” as my co-host Amy says. We may need a full day to sleep after an incredible vacation because while we had fun, the wishing and missing we pushed down is exhausting. So, we carve space to grieve because even superheroes need to retreat to their bat cave.
To learn more about the Warrior Moms, their podcast, and upcoming book, go to: https://www.warriormoms.me/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DZD1JXXF
Warrior Mom, Michele Davis, is accompanied her former student, Slater Nalley at his audition. American Idol discovered Slater’s TikTok video, and they invited him to audition, Slater turned Michele's poem it into a song, "Traces of You", was performed at his American Idol audition, where he earned a golden ticket.