Around the holidays, many of us picture that perfect celebration seen in movies on the Hallmark Channel or in those quaint Norman Rockwell paintings. But, the reality for many families often doesn’t live up to these high expectations, which can lead to or increase feelings of depression and anxiety.
“I believe that people don’t set realistic expectations,” says Dr. Joseph Mifsud, a doctor of clinical psychology and owner of Advanced Psychological Services in Grosse Pointe. “They have this image of what a 'perfect' holiday will be, and especially during this time, it’s wanting things to seem like they’re 'normal'. And that’s also a trap because really, what is normal?”
Expectations are based on what a person believes will make a perfect holiday. “They are trying to control the external environment instead of letting their authentic self or their heart speak,” he says. “The most important thing though is being together.”
Of course, the pandemic has exacerbated people’s struggles with their feelings. “It takes a lot less now to feel unbalanced and have difficulty managing emotions,” says Dr. Mifsud. “What I see more of is people turning to alcohol, or food, or maybe excessively spending - gravitating towards unhealthy ways of coping with their emotions.”
These behaviors, in turn, can often lead to even more heightened levels of depression, anxiety and loss of control. So, what are some healthy ways to cope and let ourselves enjoy the holidays instead of making them these unattainably perfect celebrations?
“Sticking to a routine is very important,” he says. “A routine can keep us grounded and balanced and provide a sense of structure.” For some people, that might mean making sure they go to the gym, or getting up at the same time every day. So, if you have several days off in a row or are traveling, stay on your regular schedule as much as possible.
Also, take advantage of these opportunities to spend time with family. Take a walk together, cook, or play games. Do things that bring you joy. These activities don’t have to cost a lot of money. Also think about volunteering your time to a worthy cause.
Self-care, he says, such as going to a salon or doing yoga is also critical. “Yoga is a great way to ground yourself and there are so many different forms. You don’t have to be super flexible. It’s about focusing on your breathing and reconnecting with yourself.”
If you still find yourself having a hard time coping, don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s fine to talk to family and friends, but sometimes you really need a professional.
“Psychologists are trained to understand the connection between mind-body and can also offer strategies on how to adjust your views and goals so they can become more attainable,” says Dr. Mifsud. “They can also address emotional issues and change unhealthy behaviors.
“People readily reach out for financial advice to manage their finances, or a physical trainer to manage their fitness, or a physician when they’re not feeling well physically.” Treat your mental wellness the same way.
To find the right person for you, he suggests first going online to the American Psychological Association. It can narrow down therapists in your area and can help direct you to those who accept your insurance. It will also refer you to different specializations and help you find therapists that deal with your specific issues.
“For people who have seen a therapist in the past and say it didn’t work for them, I would tell them to shop around,” he says. “Thankfully, there are a lot of therapists out there and they all have different theoretical orientations. Interview them and if you sense they’re a good fit, make an appointment for a consultation. If they’re not, keep looking. You have choices.”
Also, he adds, get out of your comfort zone. “Change is scary, but if you feel the need for a change, reach out for help.”
Advanced Psychological Services is located in the Village at 16845 Kercheval Road, Suite 6C in Grosse Pointe, 248-891-8587.