In the wake of our nation’s tragedies, Westport Lifestyle and Persona have partnered to start important community dialogues about black lives and racial tolerance. While these conversations touch upon a number of topics, we’ve printed excerpts focusing on family and children. For the full interviews follow Westport Lifestyle Magazine on the Persona Interviews app. (Note: all comments are edited for print.)
Adam and Dr. Tegan Moore, bi-racial family and founders of Wheelhouse Center.
Rob Simmelkjaer: How do you expose your children to the reality of the world when you live in a ‘bubble’ like Westport?:
Tegan: “We had a neighbor who was incredibly threatened by Adam. Multiple times police were called to our house within the first six months that we moved here. …we lived on high alert for a year and questioned our intentions on staying. What is it that we moved here for and can we actually get what we moved here for? The kids had an abrupt and negative experience in the sense they felt outed and (felt) racial tension…”
Rob: Adam, from your point of view how do these conversations (about racism) differ for a family like yours versus a family that’s all black or all white?
Adam: “My learning curve was to not just assume that because I’m speaking about the struggle of African-Americans that (this) struggle doesn’t also impact my wife. You know, [she’s] part of a particular heritage [caucasian] and doesn’t like how [other caucasians] are operating in the world and yet it’s a deep, rich part of her identity… it’s challenging to be in a situation when you can’t as easily celebrate [one’s] heritage as a caucasian. ...then you’re skewing your children’s understanding about what to be proud about; one is going to be public, and the other is going to be unspoken…”
“I told my kids, you can call yourselves whatever you want… You can be mixed, you can be interracial, you can be mocha… but you will not be accepted as white.”
Craig Melvin, father of bi-racial family and anchor of NBC News’ TODAY, co-host of 3rd hour of TODAY and anchor on MSNBC
Rob: What can you relay from your own personal experience as to the role this plays in the parenting experience of black people?
Craig: “My mom was the first to integrate her high school back in the ‘60s. My mom experienced 1960’s racism. Even in the early ‘70s in South Carolina she didn’t sit in the front of the bus. Naturally, when she had two boys of her own it would come up when there had been an incident; she would use that as an opportunity to talk to us about it.
“My parents worked very hard to assimilate us, they exposed us to lots of things and people they weren’t exposed to. My mother was very deliberate. She wanted to make sure we had experiences that she didn’t have and she also wanted to make sure we didn’t see color as she saw color, as my dad saw color. I think we benefitted from that in a lot of ways but I do think there were some drawbacks. I’ve grappled with those over the past few weeks because you don’t want your children to see color as the first thing. But I think it may have come at a cost, I did see things through rose-colored glasses longer than I should have.”
Harold and Bernicestine Bailey, Founders of TEAM Westport
Rob: What do you think kids need to be sent out in the world with from a place like Westport?
Bernicestine: “We just had a recent call [from an alumn of the Westport school system] to say that they did feel unprepared when they were in college because other students from around the country had either interacted with students of color in their high schools or at least there’d been some discussion, whereas here they said there was nothing.
“We are working with a group of alumnae to develop something to reinforce the principle that we do need to have some type of education with regards to schools and students so they are prepared. It’s not something that should start at the high school. We’re also working with the pre-schools and the curriculum coordinators in the elementary and the middle as well in order to get some program together. In addition, we need training for the teachers because we’re hearing the teachers do not feel comfortable - and that make sense - talking about race because the environment here has not been one where you do talk about race.
“We’re beginning to get traction now. We’re developing curriculum and courses that will expose our students to what to expect in the outside world. Now is the perfect moment to do that.”
Reverend Dr. Bernard Wilson, Senior Minister of Norfield Congregational Church in Weston
Rob: How do you talk to white kids (in your congregation) about this problem? They can be a big part of the solution of systemic racism.
Rev. Wilson: “I begin by saying, ‘Just the fact that I walk through the doors of that church is a social justice action statement.’ You have these kids who are growing up with this minister who is African-American and I think that brings a sensitivity to them that wasn’t seen before.
“One of my favorite things that happened when I arrived here, in Christian education discovery hour they asked the kids to draw pictures of God. Several of them drew pictures of a black God; these were white kids who probably would not have done that except for my presence. Part of that is just my being here, but then parents have been instrumental in bringing them to see me and to see [Pastor] Thomas and to ask some tough questions about what it means to be an African-American in this town, in this city, in this country. I’ve had opportunities to share stories with them of what it feels like and I try to mix it with both ‘here are the good things that have happened in my life and here are some challenging ones that I’ve had to deal with.”
Rob: How can religion be a positive force here?
Rev. Wilson: “It begins with us talking and listening to one another. If liberal churches, black churches, conservative, whatever can't come together and have sacred conversations about the tough and challenging times we’re facing, I don’t know where else it happens.”
Westport Chief of Police, Foti Koskinas
Officer Koskinas: “If I want cultural change, I have to lead from the top down. My goal is if people see what I’m doing, and with the staff I have here, I want them to believe in what I’m doing and ultimately follow that.”
Rob: What’s your advice to an African American young male when it comes to dealing with police interactions?
Officer Koskinas: “…depending on how they were treated, how a parent or a grandparent was treated, or a peer, their mind is made up in some way [about the police]. So part of it is trying to evaluate where they are on that spectrum because the work I have to do to gain their trust is going to vary greatly based on their prior experiences. I would start with ‘respect is mutual’ and we have to respect each other for this to work.”
For the full interviews follow Westport Lifestyle Magazine on the Persona Interviews app.
