Getting your child off to college is hard work. Once you’ve run the gauntlet of applying to schools, getting all the financing in place, stocking them up with everything they’ll need while they’re there, and settling them in, you finally can “relax.”
Then a month after they’re there, you get a panicked phone call from her roommate. There’s been an accident. Your daughter had fallen from a ladder while decorating for homecoming and hit her head. She’s unconscious and being brought to the hospital. She tells you where she’s being taken but that’s all you know.
You race out the door to get to her and take the most nerve-wracking drive you’ve had since you drove her home for the first time as a newborn.
But when you get to the hospital, they won’t tell you anything. Nor will the school. They can’t.
Legally, even though she’s your flesh and blood and you’re the next of kin, their hands are tied because she's 18. You have no authority here - even though your daughter is physically incapable of making medical decisions for herself right now. It’s not enough that you’re her parents. She’s an adult now, even though she’s still on an allowance.
She still needs your protection, but you can’t give it to her.
Unfortunately, the inconceivable isn’t always the result. So when your child turns 18, there’s one more thing you need to guide them through, that life is unpredictable and they need to legally be prepared for that.
Ellen Goodman is an estate-planning attorney who has seen first-hand what happens when you don’t have those legal protections in place.
“There was a bus accident and their child was involved. When they called the school, no one could even tell them if their child was alive or dead. That’s the reality.”
The hospital won’t tell you anything. The banks won’t talk with you. You have no legal access.
The laws in New Jersey governing estate plans are extremely antiquated. There was no consideration for the blended families of today. Such as, which mom makes the call, the biological one who suddenly comes back into the picture during the crisis or the one who raised you from before you could walk that you call “Mom”?
If your college age child passes away, you will need to contact the County Surrogate to open an estate, which is needed to close bank accounts and close social media and other digital assets. Any person who does not have a will, and has an estate over a certain amount, will result in the Surrogate requiring a surety bond being secured before the estate will be opened. Could you imagine being required to pay hundreds of dollars to obtain a surety bond for the sole purpose of closing your child’s bank account?
Taking for granted that everything will be fair and easy is a mistake.
“I always say that the best time to do our estate plan is when you’re healthy. Panic planning is never good in any aspect of life,” Goodman warns. So she and her husband Jamil are naturally patiently waiting until their daughters, Macakayla and Emilia, turn 18 to get it in place for themselves.
Ms. Goodman offers a College Readiness Package that includes a financial Power of Attorney, Health Care Power of Attorney, HIPAA Release Form and a basic Last Will and Testament for college students. This package is done at a very reasonable flatfee of a few hundred dollars. Similar to car and home insurance, ensuring that your college aged student has all of these documents in place is the best insurance that you can have for your child’s future. These are documents that are recommended to be put in place, and it is hoped are never used.
Her professional goal is aligned with her personal values: to help people. She helps them to understand their rights and how to put their own wishes together so that they are protected and taken care of should they become incapacitated and so that they have everything in place upon their passing.
She helps them navigate the inevitable, to keep “the worst thing that could happen” from becoming even worse.
Everyone’s circumstances are different. The kid who has a hundred dollars in their bank account versus one who set up an investment account for themselves who now have several hundred thousand dollars in it are in different situations, financially. But legally, without power of attorney, there’s no difference if the child no longer is capable of making any decisions, whether because they’re incapacitated or they’ve passed away. It also gives them safeguards in case they run into trouble later and need your advice or assistance.
For your child, they’ll know you’ll always be there for them.
As parents, you’re in the business of protecting your family. Thinking about the possibility of this being needed is hard. Being legally powerless in the face of tragedy is exponentially harder. But at least that’s something that’s avoidable.
There's been an accident. But when you get to the hospital, they won’t tell you anything. Nor can the school. They can’t. She's over 18.