“I love to help the youth. No matter where I am, if I see some kids playing, I may jump in, talk to them, and deal with them because where I am from if you could play, they let you play, if you couldn’t, move out the way. It didn’t mean they didn’t like you—it was just there was not always someone there to get you where you needed to be.”
To be a lifelong athlete requires a commitment that extends well beyond loving sports. A true lifelong athlete continually grows in his craft, is humbled by the experiences presented to him, and willingly extends his knowledge to others so that they too may reap the long-term benefits. This can only come from a seasoned competitor who is skilled enough to teach but also modest enough to meet each person where they are and to ultimately help them to grow.
Coach Jay Graves has found his calling in doing exactly that. Graves gets his competitive spirit naturally. Growing up in Mexico, Mo. within a family of three boys and three girls, the youngest of the bunch had to learn to hold his own among a sea of baseball, football, basketball and softball players who daily battled it out at their local park. He adds that the competition was always present, but that they always rooted each other on. It was in the park that he would learn to love the athleticism that came with organized play. His love for football was parallel to that of basketball, but when Graves entered high school, basketball then took the front seat, earning him two All-State titles and a McDonald’s All-American high school nomination.
The colleges came calling, but with the camaraderie that comes from a small town also comes the hesitancy that Graves might not be able to compete in a larger arena. Of course, this simply was not true.
Graves went on to attend Moberly Junior College and then Talladega College in Alabama where he earned another All-American title. It was in the early 1990s that Point Guard Graves was recognized as being an exceptional ball handler and encouraged to try out for the Harlem Globetrotters. Successful in that endeavor, he spent the next year traveling all around California, learning from Meadowlark Lemon, and entertaining children. It was a great experience that he was thankful to be a part of, but he felt he was missing one thing—the competition of traditional basketball.
During his Globetrotter run, the fact that he was only six credit hours shy from his college degree always played in the back of his mind, so Graves returned to complete them. His reputation as a stellar athlete continued to follow him, and coaches were still calling. Naturally, he wanted to play. He extended his basketball career to Manchester, England and then Victoria City, Mexico where he won a championship. It was not until he saw a need within his own family that his professional expertise shifted again.
Not mentioning the modesty that Graves possesses would be a disservice. The fact that he does not focus on helping navigate his nephew Tyronne Lue, former NBA player and current coach of the LA Clippers, is testament of this. Instead, he notes the sting of his son’s youth football team losing their Superbowl championship under his coaching as a moment that weighs heavy on his mind. After taking on the job through Lee’s Summit Football Association Flag Football League, Graves has learned to channel his competitive nature with a very talented group of 4th-graders. He notes that he wants all his players to be successful and that being fair to everybody is important. They are all his kids, and if there is something to be taught on the field, he will make it happen. He has even had ex-NFL players come out and show them things from an offensive and defensive standpoint. He hopes his coaching not only helps them today but also tomorrow.
“It is not about me,” Graves says. “I had a great career. I am fine. But I wanted to make sure that they got all the benefits that I think is necessary for a kid to be successful. Like, just being able to be around an NFL player so the next time they will not be in awe. The next time they see them they will be like, ‘I should be here.’ In sports, it is mentality. It is not all skill because everybody can have skill.”
Graves is a firm believer that any competitive activity can build self-esteem, friendship, and confidence—are skills imperative in building up a child. He has always practiced a healthy lifestyle that includes not drinking or smoking and continues to play basketball even with the aches and pains that go along with growing older. For him, he would rather have the discomfort that comes from something he loves than the suffering that would come from no participation at all. But in the long run, he says what he does comes down to reaching youth, taking his passion for sport, and helping them develop their full potential.
“I am here to help kids. That is one of my callings. I am always going to help kids. Always, always.”