In the midst of all the cheer this time of year, the holidays can be a particularly lonely and difficult time for those who mourn. While the world celebrates with joy and togetherness, loss could make us feel broken and out of place. Grief expert Sheila Munafo-Kanoza, founder and executive director at Companions on a Journey (COJ) in West Chester, offers her tips for how to honor lost loved ones and navigate the emotions of grief during the holiday season.
“Grief is a natural response to loss,” explains Munafo-Kanoza. “It's not a problem to be fixed. It's a journey of love and adjustment to change. It affects us emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. The holidays can bring deep reminders of those who are missing.”
First and foremost, Munafo-Kanoza is an advocate for grace.
“We must be present to our feelings and give ourselves permission and grace to do what we need to do,” she says. “It’s okay to say ‘No,’ it’s okay to have laughter and it's okay to have tears–all the feelings are valid.”
Be sure to communicate with your family about expectations.
“Create a safe place to reflect and share and find meaning,” says Munafo-Kanoza. “It's good to plan ahead to decide where you want to go and how long you want to stay. Also, make sure that you get rest, because grief is exhausting.”
The holidays are steeped in tradition. Munafo-Kanoza suggests embracing some new ways of celebrating.
“Holidays are filled with lots of rituals that remind us of our loved ones’ absence,” she says. “It's okay to change some of those traditions–they can be changed for one or two years and then you can go back the following year. You may even find a different time or a place that you want to celebrate.”
Don’t tiptoe around your loss—acknowledge it. Honor the memory of your loved one by saying their name at your gatherings. This opens the opportunity to share stories.
“When my husband died, I needed to hear his name; my children needed to hear his name,” Munafo-Kanoza explains. “There were tears, but eventually there was laughter. I’m grateful for the memories.”
Munafo-Kanoza guides mourners to honor loved ones with intention during the holidays.
“Light a candle in their honor, display a photo, hang up a special ornament, cook their favorite dish or visit a place that holds special memories,” she suggests.
Many of COJ’s school groups decorate ornaments and place messages to their loved ones inside.
“Grief and joy can coexist. They're both reflections of love,” Munafo-Kanoza says. “We're all going to be touched by death and there's going to be some deaths that have a bigger impact on our hearts than others. Know that you are not alone—you have Companions on a Journey to walk that journey with you.”
Sheila Munafo-Kanoza
Founder + Executive Director
Companions on a Journey
Sheila Munafo-Kanoza knows what it’s like to walk with grief. Her experience as a young widow led her on a life path to found Companions on a Journey (COJ) and to serve as a trusted companion to help thousands through loss. Now in its 29th year, the nonprofit organization provides free grief support for people of all ages, including crisis response and community and training events. In 2024, they led 97 school groups in 66 schools, Lakota’s schools among them, and walked alongside nearly 1,700 others. Join COJ in its mission to surround the bereaved with hope, strength and healing. Pray, volunteer or make a donation online. CompanionsOnAJourney.org