I remember the exact day I gave up the battle over buttons.
My child, once happy to wear whatever I picked out, suddenly refused to put on a shirt because it had buttons. Buttons, of all things. There was no grand explanation. Just a firm, “I don’t like how it feels.” That tiny moment marked the beginning of an evolution, not just for their wardrobe but for how I parented.
Up until then, I approached getting dressed like a checklist: clean, cute, appropriate, presentable. But something shifted when I realized the daily standoffs weren’t about disobedience. They were about identity. Comfort. Autonomy. And yes, even at five years old, personal style.
As someone who works in fashion, you’d think I would have caught on sooner. But as a mom, it took that buttoned shirt standoff to remind me that style isn’t just about how we look. It's about how we feel when we walk out the door. And for kids, that feeling is absolutely everything.
We want our kids to grow into confident, expressive individuals, and yet it’s so easy to unconsciously hand them a script of how to dress, act, or exist based on gender norms or societal expectations. We say we want creativity, but we cringe when their outfit doesn’t match. We say we support individuality, but we flinch at outfits that don’t fit the mold or follow the rules.
Here’s the truth: it’s not their discomfort. It’s ours.
So I started practicing what I preach. When one of my kids put together a questionable outfit like a tutu with a superhero cape, or pajama pants on their head as hair, I paused before saying anything. Instead of correcting, I complimented: “That’s such an interesting combination. Tell me more about this look!”
Style isn’t just about clothes. It’s a language. And our kids are already fluent. We just need to listen more closely.