Self Space is a group mental health practice, offering psychotherapy services to adults, adolescents and couples. Self Space believes therapy is first and foremost a relationship with an open, non-judgmental professional with whom you can safely share your whole self with and experience real and significant change. This article emerged from a conversation between Marcus Berley and Dan Suffoletta, two mental health counselors at Self Space, in which they share insights into an often-overlooked aspect of counseling: how and why men engage (or don’t engage) in the therapeutic process.
Marcus: I find that many men, are dragged through the doors of therapy rooms by their partners. I think this reveals a societal trend in which men's engagement with mental health services often relies on their primary relationship. This makes it crucial for therapists to foster a space in which men can discover the intrinsic value of self-reflection and emotional work.
Dan: A lot of my research in the field has focused on exactly this topic, encapsulated in my capstone project titled, "Real Men Go to Therapy”. The project explores the effects of initial client motivation on therapeutic outcomes, and I found that a lot of men were saying, “My partner really encouraged me to do this and to be here," underscoring the significant role partners play in men's initial steps toward therapy.
I’ve found that even if you don't start from a place of intrinsic or internal motivation, if the therapist or counselor is able to influence that, and allow the client to realize that there are intrinsic benefits to doing self-work, then that does lead to more positive outcomes.
Marcus: The key seems to lie in the counselor's ability to guide their clients toward recognizing the personal gains of therapy, moving beyond societal expectations or relationship pressures.
Men may find themselves in therapy after significant life upheavals, particularly when relationships break down. It’s often not until things blow up that they’re like, “You know what, it's time I did this work.” Crises often catalyze the decision to seek help.
Hegemonic ideals of masculinity have long cast a shadow over men's mental health. These societal norms emphasize strength, self-reliance, and an aversion to showing any sort of signs of weakness, and act as formidable barriers to men seeking help. Yet, these barriers are not impermeable. Therapy itself can become a groundbreaking arena where traditional notions of masculinity are challenged, and men can learn to embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness.
Dan: I tend to take a strength-based approach. I will kind of celebrate the courage that they've already shown. From addressing the apprehension of being judged or deemed "the problem" in a relationship, to celebrating the courage it takes to embark on the therapeutic journey, the most impactful therapy is filled with empathy, validation, and empowerment. This can help men engage more fully in the therapeutic process and help create a space where men can feel acknowledged and supported in their journey towards healing.
Therapy itself can become a groundbreaking arena where traditional notions of masculinity are challenged, and men can learn to embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness.