Imagine you are sitting in class all day long, being told to stay in your chair. You try your best to not move around because you are told that is a distraction. You take a deep breath and tell yourself you just have to try harder to focus. You understand the things you are learning, but attending to your assigned task and getting the work done is hard to do, especially if you don’t find the subject you’re learning about particularly interesting or useful.
There are many things that make it hard to get through the school day: the bright lights, loud classmates, assemblies, and building and maintaining friendships with others can be difficult and anxiety provoking. Even with these hurdles, no one notices how much you struggle to get through the day. You’re smart, quiet, and overall a good kid. You get good grades. However, you sometimes forget to turn in assignments you’ve finished, have a hard time organizing yourself, and struggle regulating your emotions. There are days this leads you to have self doubt, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depressive symptoms. You shy away from telling others how much of a daily battle you fight inside your own brain, because at the end of the day, you think everyone is fighting their brains this much, so on you go.
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder has resurfaced as a trending topic on social media. In the age of getting a lot of information from the apps we visit daily, we are flooded with the thoughts, opinions, and personal experiences of many in this space. But what is ADHD? What are some signs your child might have ADHD? How can you support your child if you suspect they have ADHD and then receive a diagnosis?
There are three types of ADHD:
- Hyperactive: This type is often what people associate with ADHD. Children may struggle to sit still, fidget constantly, be “always on the go,” interrupt, talk excessively, and have difficulty waiting their turn. They may also be impulsive, struggle with concentration, have trouble regulating emotions, and face challenges with organization.
- Inattentive: Often undetected, these children may misplace items, get distracted easily, forget daily responsibilities like brushing their teeth, have short attention spans, and show poor listening skills. They struggle to pay attention even when directly spoken to and have challenges with organization and multitasking.
- Combined: Children with this type show signs of both hyperactive and inattentive ADHD.
In addition to the diagnostic criteria described above for the different types of ADHD, there are other traits commonly found among individuals with ADHD. These can include a strong sense of moral justice, heightened sensitivity to light, sound, or textures, deficits in working memory, time blindness, sleep difficulties, forgetting to eat, racing thoughts, social anxiety, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. As you can imagine, navigating all these things, especially as a child or a teenager, can lead to complex feelings, including low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
What can you do if you suspect your child has ADHD? First, take a deep breath. Luckily, there are many people ready to help you and your child navigate the process to a potential diagnosis. Next, there are places that offer testing in the area. You can choose to start with your child’s pediatrician for referrals, or you can reach out to a licensed therapist, such as myself, to provide you with referrals. Then, once your child has their diagnosis, you will determine with your team of providers what methods of treatment will be best for your child.
Research has shown that the best treatment for ADHD is a combination of behavioral therapy paired with an ADHD medication that works best for the person’s body. There are several types of medications that can be prescribed, and your doctors can elaborate further on what might work best for your child.
Alongside therapy and medication, there are practical ways you can help your child manage their ADHD. It is important to ensure that your child has a balance between physical activity—like running, walking, swimming, or riding their bike—for emotional regulation and restorative activities such as coloring, playing video games, or watching their favorite show. Regular movement should be incorporated into your child’s daily routine to support emotional regulation. There will be days that my clients show up for therapy and their adults tell me their kids have struggled that week with controlling their bodies at school, like hitting others, not being able to stand in line, or they have been extra emotional. This also tends to happen when the weather is yucky. My first suggestion is always movement. Let your kid RUN AROUND. I have several clients that spend 20-30 minutes at the park almost every day after school before doing anything else, and it has been life changing for their whole family system. Parents can also tell when their child misses trips to the park multiple days in a row, because their kids struggle with emotional regulation.
People with ADHD can be sensitive to sound and light, and there are ways we can help our children with these sensitivities. A helpful tool is noise canceling headphones which can be used in loud situations like assemblies or going to restaurants. This can be done with over-the-head headphones or by using Loops, a brand of earbuds that are noise canceling. You can also adjust lighting at home with lamps or natural light instead of relying on bright overhead lights, which amplify symptoms. You can work with teachers and school staff to implement supports in the classroom too. Encourage your child to advocate for their needs by first practicing how to communicate their needs with you!
Routines are incredibly helpful for individuals with ADHD, though they often resist them. A paradox for people with ADHD is while they push back on routines, they truly thrive on structure, which then helps with their executive functioning. Supporting your children with routines now will help them learn what works best so they can maintain effective habits as they grow older and lose the built-in structure of school.
Finding support for your family doesn’t have to be scary, but it is important. There are therapists that offer social skills groups for kids and teens to help them learn and grow in ways that work best for them in addition to individual therapy. There is also support available for parents and adults with ADHD. We are here to help you and your children navigate this diagnosis, which can sometimes feel daunting because it looks so different for each person.
ADHD can feel overwhelming for you and your child but with understanding, structure, and support, children and their families can thrive. By recognizing your child’s unique needs, harnessing their strengths, and accessing resources, you can help them build emotional regulation, confidence, and lifelong skills for success. Remember, ADHD is not a reflection of effort or intelligence. It’s a difference in how the brain processes and regulates emotions and attention. With the right strategies and support, your child can flourish!
Bryna Talamantez, MS, LMFT, of Talamantez Therapy offers therapy for kids, teens, adults and families. Visit https://talamanteztherapy.com/ for more information.
Bryna Talamantez is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and co-owner of Talamantez Therapy. She specializes in working with children, teens, and families navigating ADHD, grief, anxiety, and life transitions.
Research has shown that the best treatment for ADHD is a combination of behavioral therapy paired with an ADHD medication that works best for the person’s body.
Remember, ADHD is not a reflection of effort or intelligence. It’s a difference in how the brain processes and regulates emotions and attention.