PART 2: Maya*—High School Freshman with Level 1 Autism
From Compliance to Connection in Supporting a Young Teen with ASD
Introduction: The Early Struggle
It was a clear, warm autumn morning in Santa Monica, California when Maya, a high school freshman with ASD, entered the living room, her backpack heavy on her shoulders. Her mother, Sarah, was armed with a checklist of expectations: breakfast completed, homework organized, uniform neat, schoolbag packed. On paper, it appeared to be a typical day. In reality, it was another tense negotiation.
For months, Sarah’s parenting approach had been structured around compliance. Instructions, reminders, and consequences dominated the household rhythm. Breakfast became a negotiation. Homework completion triggered anxiety, resistance, and frustration. Social challenges at school were often met with lectures and insistence to “do the right thing” or “follow the rules.” Every day felt like a push against an immovable wall.
Sarah loved Maya deeply, yet she was exhausted. Love, she realized, was being measured by obedience and external success, rather than understanding and connection. The frustration built a tension neither of them could easily resolve. Sarah began to wonder: Is this truly helping her, or just helping me feel in control?
The Turning Point: Reaching Out to New Agenda
The shift began with a pivotal conversation Sarah had with her therapist, who recommended she reach out to New Agenda for a perspective on parenting students with ASD with mindfulness of executive function challenges. Sarah reached out to New Agenda and met with Amie Davies, co-founder of New Agenda, whose expertise in executive function and neurodiverse parenting illuminated a new perspective, for a scheduled consultation. Amie listened to Sarah and then asked a question that reframed everything:
“Is love measured by compliance, or by the connection you cultivate?"
This insight was revelatory. Compliance had been ingrained into their mindset from the early years, and had effectively maintained order and expectation, but had done little to foster Maya’s confidence, emotional regulation, or social growth. Amie introduced Sarah to a transformative framework: The 5 Dimensions of Parents' Love — a structure designed to help parents nurture connection, resilience, and self-efficacy in children with ASD.
Sarah immediately recognized the potential. What if parenting could move beyond enforcement and compliance, emphasizing relational depth, encouragement, and skill-building? What if love could be expressed through patience, predictable presence, guidance, advocacy, and celebration of effort?
Working with a New Agenda Executive Function Coach
Following the conversation, Sarah began working with a New Agenda Autism Coach to support her parenting approach with Maya during the high school years. Together, with coaching support, Sarah implemented the 5 Dimensions of Parents’ Love in daily life. The coaching emphasized intentionality: each interaction could now serve as an opportunity to strengthen connection, build skills, and foster self-confidence.
5 Dimensions of Parents’ Love
1. Patience
Patience became foundational. Maya often needed additional time to process transitions, instructions, or emotional challenges. Sarah learned to pause, observe, and provide gentle prompts rather than immediate correction. Patience was no longer passive; it became a deliberate form of engagement, communicating respect and understanding.
For example, instead of saying, “Finish your homework now,” Sarah reframed her words to acknowledge feelings and move into an action plan, stating: “I see this is challenging — let’s start together and see where we can go from here.”
2. Predictable Presence
Sarah discovered the importance of predictable presence — consistent, attentive, and reliable engagement in her daughter’s life. Rather than merely being physically present, predictable presence meant that Maya could count on her parents to be emotionally available and structured in their attention. Family meals, game nights, and shared projects became safe spaces for social and emotional learning. Predictable presence created trust, signaling to Maya that she was valued and seen for who she was, not only for what she could accomplish.
For example: During Sunday evening family time Sarah consistently sat with Maya working on a family puzzle, engaging fully and responding gently to challenges, reinforcing reliability and emotional safety.
3. Guidance
Guidance expanded beyond instruction to include social learning, judgment, and problem-solving. Sarah learned to support Maya’s decision-making and social reasoning through coaching sessions, using visual supports for concept building, social mapping, and decision making provided by New Agenda. These tools helped Maya break down complex situations, anticipate outcomes, and make thoughtful decisions. Guidance became a collaborative process: Sarah modeled strategies, scaffolded experiences, and allowed Maya to practice independently while knowing support was available.
For example, Maya struggled with engagement with lab partners in her Chemistry Class. This impacted her assignment completion and class grade. To help Maya, Sarah used a visual social script to plan potential interactions. Additionally Sarah role-played responses, and used visual supports to model problem-solving approaches and outcomes, and then encouraged Maya to apply one step at school. Afterward, they reviewed the outcome together, reinforcing learning.
4. Advocacy
Through New Agenda’s Coaching, advocacy took on two complementary forms in Sarah’s parenting journey: teaching Maya to advocate for herself, and continuing to advocate as a parent when necessary.
Sarah worked with Maya to develop self-advocacy skills, helping her recognize situations where she could speak up for her needs, request accommodations, or ask for clarification. Together, they practiced using scripts and social mapping to determine how and when to communicate effectively with teachers, peers, and other adults. Over time, Maya began to identify moments in class or social settings where she could assert herself independently, building confidence and a sense of agency.
At the same time, Sarah maintained her role as an active parent advocate. She communicated proactively with teachers, coordinated accommodations, and ensured that the strategies and supports introduced in parenting sessions — like visual schedules and step-by-step problem-solving guides — were implemented consistently both at home and at school. By doing so, Sarah created safe, structured environments where Maya could practice independence without being set up for failure.
This dual approach emphasized a delicate balance: fostering self-reliance and decision-making in Maya, while providing a safety net of parental advocacy to ensure her opportunities for success. In this way, advocacy became not just about intervention, but about scaffolding growth and nurturing confidence.
5. Celebration of Effort: Reinforcing Resilience and Self-Efficacy
New Agenda’s Autism Coach helped Sarah better understand how Maya’s brain often interpreted experiences in extremes — either perfect success or total failure. Small challenges could trigger catastrophic thinking, leaving her feeling defeated even before she began. Recognizing this, Sarah intentionally shifted her focus from outcomes to effort.
Every attempt — whether tackling a difficult homework problem, initiating a social interaction, or managing frustration — became an opportunity for recognition and reinforcement. Instead of praising only correctness or success, Sarah highlighted persistence, strategy, and courage: I noticed how you stayed with that problem even when it felt tricky — that shows real focus and determination.”
By framing effort as the measure of achievement, Sarah helped Maya rewire her perspective. Challenges no longer needed to be threatening; each attempt was a step toward growth. This approach reinforced resilience, motivating Maya to try again despite difficulty, and cultivated self-efficacy, the confidence that she could navigate obstacles with support and her own skills.
Celebrating effort became a critical tool not just for academic tasks, but for social and emotional growth. When Maya attempted a new interaction with peers, Sarah acknowledged her courage and thoughtful approach, rather than the outcome of the conversation. Over time, this consistent focus on effort, rather than perfection, helped Maya trust in her abilities and approach challenges with curiosity rather than fear.
For example: After attempting to complete a multi-step Chemistry assignment, Maya’s first reaction was, “I’ll never get this right.” Sarah responded, “I see how carefully you planned each step and stuck with it. That persistence is exactly what makes learning possible — I’m proud of you for how hard you tried.”*
In this way, celebrating effort transformed moments of anxiety into opportunities for learning, confidence-building, and emotional regulation, creating a foundation for long-term growth.
The Ripple Effect: Growth, Confidence, and Relationship
The transformation extended beyond the home. Maya’s confidence increased. She began to explore school-based activities aligned with her interests, navigated small social interactions with growing skill, and approached challenges with newfound resilience.
Sarah’s journey illustrated a key truth: parental love is dynamic and multifaceted. It evolves in tandem with the child’s growth, requiring insight, adaptation, and, at times, outside support. Through the 5 Dimensions of Parents' Love, Sarah and Maya cultivated a relationship that was collaborative, supportive, and resilient. Love was no longer measured by obedience or performance; it was expressed through connection, scaffolding, and celebration of effort.
Conclusion: Love as Framework and Foundation
Parenting a child with ASD is a journey of continual learning and adaptation. Sarah’s evolution from a compliance-focused approach to a connection-centered framework demonstrates the many faces of parents’ love. With guidance from Amie Davies and the New Agenda Executive Function Coaching team, Sarah learned to integrate patience, predictable presence, guidance with visual supports, advocacy, and celebration into daily interactions with Maya.
This multifaceted approach supported Maya’s growth, nurtured her confidence, and deepened their parent-child relationship. Love, as this framework illustrates, is not static; it is deliberate, evolving, and expressed in both structure and empathy. Through its many faces, parental love becomes a foundation for resilience, connection, and enduring emotional security.
This is what parents’ love looks like: patient, predictably present, guiding, advocating, and always celebrating effort.
*Maya’s name has been changed for confidentiality.
For more information about executive function coaching, check out our website: newagendacoaching.com