Parents’ Love: The Many Faces of Unwavering Care
PART 3: Emily*—College Sophomore (no diagnosis)
It was a crisp fall afternoon when Emily’s mother received the call. Her sophomore year, once full of excitement and promise, had spiraled into a rapid decline. Grades were slipping. Stress was mounting. Emily was withdrawing socially, skipping classes, and overwhelmed by the demands of college life. For parents, these moments are never easy. The love they feel is deep, unwavering, and yet tested — a love that manifests not just in encouragement, but in tough conversations, hard choices, and consistent presence. Emily’s parents encouraged her to ‘focus’ and ‘be responsible’, reminding her that she can ‘achieve anything she puts her mind towards.’
Parents often imagine that once their child leaves for college, their role softens. But for students who struggle with executive function, emotional regulation, or the unrelenting pressure of academia, parental support remains vital. Love doesn’t disappear because the student is 19, 20, or 21 years old; it evolves. It becomes less about homework checks and more about guidance, advocacy, and helping the student navigate systems that may feel overwhelming.
Decline in Sophomore Year: When the Struggle Becomes Visible
For Emily, the sophomore slump didn’t happen overnight. It began subtly: missed deadlines, forgotten assignments, and anxiety over exams. Professors noted a decline in engagement, and her friends noticed she was quieter, withdrawn, more easily frustrated. College often demands high levels of executive function — planning, time management, prioritization, self-advocacy — skills that some students need support in developing even into early adulthood.
As the weeks passed, Emily’s grades slipped. As the stress compounded her sleep cycle became dysregulated and she began to miss classes and assignments. She tried convincing herself, continually, that she would ‘catch up’ by missing classes and using the time to focus on work. She tried to push through, fearing disappointment and wanting to succeed, yet the cycle of overwhelm persisted. Her parents watched from afar, heartbroken but attentive. They quickly realized their initial feedback did not match the situation, and shifted their approach, sending messages of encouragement while also asking difficult questions:
“Are you managing your workload?
Are you asking for help?
Do we need to consider a different approach?
Emily’s fear of failure drove reactive engagement. Finally, as Emily arrived home for Thanksgiving break she shared, with a tremor in her voice, that she was failing her classes. Emily and her parents agreed that she needed to withdraw from classes to avoid having failing courses on her transcript.
These conversations are uncomfortable, often tinged with guilt and anxiety for both parent and child. But they are crucial. Love sometimes looks like facing hard truths head-on.
The Decision to Pause: Sitting Out a Semester
After many conversations, Emily and her parents made a bold choice: she would take the next semester and summer off from college to “reset.” For a young adult, this decision can feel like a setback, even a failure. For parents, it feels like a mixture of relief, fear, and frustration. Relief that the student will have space to recover; fear about losing momentum or independence; and frustration with the expense of failed college experiences. Emily’s parents demonstrated the profound face of love, by choosing to prioritize well-being and health, over performance and appearances.
During this time, Emily focused on working with a counselor to process her emotions about herself and what she perceived as decline. With her counselor she identified what contributed to her overwhelm: sleep patterns, workload management, and underlying executive function challenges. Her parents provided support by connecting her with New Agenda for Executive Function Coaching, as well as maintaining connection and interaction without pressure. As parents, they listened to her frustrations, fears, and hopes. They also reinforced boundaries, encouraging structure and requiring accountability even during a “break” — showing that love often walks hand-in-hand with guidance.
Re-entering College: The Role of Executive Function Support
When Emily returned to college, she did so with intention with the support of her Executive Function Coach. During the reset period, Emily had worked with her coach on managing unstructured time with time-blocking, and daily and weekly schedules for unstructured times, health-wellness-and exercise plans, and strategies to support reading and comprehending text, as well as note-taking and study methods. Back in college, Emily had a plan: weekly check-ins with an executive function coach, time management tools, and clear academic goals. Her parents continued to support her, but their role had shifted. They were no longer directing her day-to-day but advocating for systems and support that allowed Emily to thrive independently, while supporting her with the investment of executive function coaching while in college.
Executive function coaching became a cornerstone of her success. Emily’s coach helped her break down complex assignments, prioritize deadlines, and develop strategies for managing stress. Emily learned not only how to organize her academic work, but also how to self-advocate with professors, plan social time, and balance responsibilities with self-care. Her parents’ love was present in their continued engagement — celebrating her small wins, checking in on her stress levels, and offering encouragement without judgment.
Love in this context is not always comfortable or immediately gratifying. Emily’s story illustrates a 10 month journey of struggle, acceptance, resilience and achievement. For Emily’s parents, their love included tough conversations, guidance with difficult choices, unwavering presence, and active support.
Supporting a struggling college student is not a straight path. It is a journey of patience, empathy, and often discomfort. Parents demonstrate love in the willingness to enforce structure, offer attention, advocate for resources, and celebrate incremental progress. Emily’s story shows that love is not diminished by struggle — it is revealed through it.
*Emily’s name has been changed for confidentiality.