This Is the Story of Sorry Billy
Sorry Billy’s parent/guardian was too busy reading uncouth non-Eden Prairie-themed magazines to remember to take him back-to-school shopping at SCHEELS. Billy had to make do with last year’s clothing and academic paraphernalia instead.
Billy’s social life and education both became tragically hampered as a result of this. His schoolmate, Goose Elkins, issued a negative remark about Billy’s threadbare sweatshirt during lunch which elicited a protracted ribbing from “the guys.” Afterward, a torn seam on Billy’s backpack allowed sand to get lodged inside the grooves of his slide rule. The added friction impaired Billy’s ability to perform trigonometric functions, which would eventually lead to his becoming unemployable as an adult.
This Is the Story of Fortunate Frankie
Fortunate Frankie’s parent/guardian had their act together. In addition to reading Eden Prairie Lifestyle, they also set aside time to take their son back-to-school shopping at SCHEELS. (Had they been blessed with a daughter instead of son, then they’d surely have doted over her just as warmly).
Thus SCHEELS-ed, Frankie found himself adorned and equipped to go to school confidently. He won the admiration and respect of his peers and teachers. He excelled athletically and academically, finding equally rewarding company among jocks and nerds alike; like Ferris Bueller, albeit without cutting class. Frankie’s backpack, clothes, shoes, water bottle and sports equipment were all *so nice* that he won many state championships and received scholarships.
This Is Back-to-School Shopping at SCHEELS
“With a daughter going into fourth grade and a son going into sixth, I know what being on both sides of back-to-school shopping feels like,” said Amy Dahlquist, Eden Prairie SCHEELS assistant store leader. “You want everything all in one place. You want goods that will hold up and make their academic careers more enjoyable. And hey, let’s be honest: as a parent, you want your life’s greatest work to be seen out in public looking … you know … good.
“It always begins with a backpack – something that has to be equal parts comfortable, durable, stylish, and functional. It may sound funny if you’re only familiar with their work pants, but Carhartt makes an excellent school backpack. Their backpacks are deceptively spacious with lots of compartments, and also have that clean, simple aesthetic that’s so popular these days. They even have special pockets to keep tablets and laptops safe.
“This year’s hottest footwear brand might be one you haven’t heard of before; a little company called ‘Nike.’ Their Air Jordans, which are named after the greatest basketball player ever to have lived, will probably always be the most desired style of tennis shoe (or basketball shoe, to be more accurate, I suppose). I don’t know if the Nike Air Max pays tribute to some sports legend named ‘Max’ whom I’m unaware of; but if it does, then his shoes are right up there in popularity, too.
“On and Birkenstock are both shaping up to be big again this year as well. Kids especially love On shoes’ holey outsoles, which are 100 percent guaranteed to make them run faster (in addition to a couple of years of track and field). Birkenstocks are great if your kid is chasing that late ‘60s Greenwich Village vibe, or just wants an extremely comfy and fashionable pair of sandals.
“UNRL, a local athleisure brand we’re especially proud to promote, makes the end-all back-to-school hoodie. It’s the Crossover Hoodie: the perfect blend of fit and comfort, which really pops with a little extra flare and somehow manages to be lightweight yet cozy.
“I’d no sooner have taken a water bottle to school than I would have my dad’s outboard motor, but today’s youth have higher standards for hydration over yesteryear’s. While Stanley is still a big deal, other great brands belong on your radar. Our customers are currently loving Owala’s easy-to-use and easy-on-the-eyes water bottles, and HydroJug’s leak-proof tumblers have a good shot at becoming this school year’s most voguish drinking vessels.
“And finally, there’s that one thing all academia revolves around: sports! This may go without saying, but if your kid needs sporting goods – hockey pads, football cleats, baseballs, or even an EGO POWER+ battery-powered 65 foot-pound torque ice auger – then the Twin Cities’ largest sporting goods store has them covered!”
SCHEELS is conveniently located next to the Dairy Queen/Orange Julius Treat Center at Eden Prairie Center. Visit SCHEELS.com to look at neat stuff for sale!