Can you tell us about your path to becoming a therapist and what drew you to this work?
I pursued an undergraduate degree in therapy, but then life happened and I changed my degree to education, putting my therapy ambitions to the side. In 2004, my mom passed away from cancer. I realized during that time that grieving is hard to do. Many people don't like to talk about grief or death. It makes them uncomfortable. Through my own grieving process, I realized that I want to help others, so I went back to school and earned my master’s and license in counseling.
How would you describe your practice and the types of clients you most often work with?
I mostly work with adults who are dealing with trauma, grief, and adjustments to new life situations. My practice is a lot about permission. I've seen that people in trauma or in grief don't realize they are allowed to feel what they need to feel. Especially when we're taught as young children that feelings don't matter, it's hard as an adult to realize that feelings are okay. We shouldn't live by them, but it's okay to feel them.
What are some common misconceptions people have about trauma and healing?
I often hear clients say, “I can't get over this.” The phrase “get over” bothers me, because I personally don't believe anybody gets over anything. You have to press through it. When people come in and they say, “I just want to get over this,” I challenge them to understand that getting over trauma, getting over grief, sometimes means having somebody walk beside you to help you process it.
It’s been said that men are often less likely to seek therapy. Why do you think that is?
In my opinion, society today tells men that emotions are weak or should be suppressed, and that if you are in touch with your feelings, then you're lesser than. Sometimes, when I start to talk to men in a session, they have a hard time recognizing or being open about what their emotions are. When it comes to mental health in general or seeking help from a therapist, it can be difficult to get somebody to come in when they don't want to talk about their past or their feelings.
For someone new to therapy, what does a typical session with you look like?
During the first session, we will talk about confidentiality, so that everybody understands that what we say in here is confidential. Then, we dive into the current situation of why they are entering into therapy and what they want help with, as well as goals in regard to that. From there, we jump pretty quickly into their past during session one or two. With my therapy style, it is important that we dive into the past, because I believe that we are a product of our history. Although we create patterns of behavior from our past, it doesn’t have to keep us hostage.
You mentioned setting goals. What does “healing” look like to you, and how do clients know they’re making progress?
When we talk about goals, many times clients themselves don't know what those goals look like. They may have an idea of what healing looks like when they come in, and within a few sessions, that might change. It’s not always an exact pinpoint goal; it may be broader. That's okay because each client has their own journey, and only they know when they're in a good spot. Now I can make recommendations to guide them in a certain direction, but ultimately their goals and accomplishments are their own.
If someone is considering therapy but unsure where to start, what advice would you give them?
I would say to make sure that they find a clinician that they feel comfortable with, including their practice style, how they talk, and their belief system. It definitely helps when you have somebody you can connect with, because you're able to get to trust them faster. It’s easier to make progress with a clinician you trust.