According to H. Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelsen in Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World, “A belief in one’s personal capabilities is an essential building block for successful adulthood.” One of the best ways for kids to achieve this sense of capability is to take on household responsibilities. Offering such opportunities makes kids feel essential to the family unit. It teaches them the necessary skills, acceptance of responsibility, and self-discipline. Ultimately, it builds their self-esteem and increases their chances for a successful, fulfilling life.
Reward
Whether to compensate and reward kids for their work is a difficult question. Conflicting opinions are held by child specialists, which doesn’t help. But one thing is sure. Experiencing self-satisfaction from work is essential. Even adults receive compensation for their work. In turn, they reward themselves in many ways, from mini shopping sprees and eating out to buying recreational toys and taking vacations.
So, your best bet is to take a middle-of-the-road approach. Assign your kids some responsibilities without reward, such as cleaning their rooms and taking care of personal belongings. This can provide self-satisfaction.
But also offer an allowance or rewards for additional tasks. Kids learn valuable lessons from earning, as well. They learn to budget and handle money and understand that hard work pays off, just as it does in the adult world. Whether your child receives a reward for a particular task or not, always praise the efforts. This helps to reinforce the intrinsic value of completing a task.
When selecting prizes, choose something your child wouldn’t receive otherwise. If you go to the park several times a week, an extra trip to the park won’t seem much of a reward. But if you usually go only once a week, an additional visit will be more enticing.
For toddlers and preschoolers, immediate rewards are essential. Offer to go to the ice cream store or park, play a favorite game together, invite a friend over, or give them a fun sticker or favorite treat. You can also buy prizes that come in a set, such as markers. Then, offer one piece of the set for each completed task until your child has earned the complete set.
Elementary kids can save for bigger rewards. Use a chart and offer prizes for accumulated stars. But don’t make your child wait more than a week or so for an award. Otherwise, the reward will lose its motivational value. Rewards for elementary-age children might include additional TV or computer time, a trip to the zoo or museum, baking together, having a friend overnight, or a new magazine or matchbox car.
Older kids can accumulate points for more extended periods and begin to look toward long-term rewards. Teens might want to collect points for several weeks to earn a concert ticket, amusement park trip, new outfit, or special privileges like staying out later or additional phone time.
Age-appropriate chores
Toddlers and preschoolers are more capable than we realize. In these early years, children should take on household tasks. But, their attention span is short at this age. So keep chores brief when assigning them to little ones unless the chores are especially fun. Your preschooler can:
- Make juice
- Frost cakes and cookies
- Set the table
- Rinse dishes
- Empty wastebaskets
- Vacuum (with a small vacuum)
- Dust
- Sort out dirty clothes
- Put clothes in drawers
- Pick up toys
- Stack books
- Answer the phone
- Get the mail
- Water flowers
Elementary-age kids are more coordinated and capable of performing better-quality work. In addition to the previous items, your elementary-age child can:
- Fix their breakfast
- Prepare microwave foods
- Bake
- Help pack lunches
- Warm soup
- Clean off the dinner table
- Load the dishwasher
- Wash windows
- Clean bathroom sinks
- Fold laundry
- Run their own bath
- Pack their suitcase
- Care for younger siblings (with an adult at home)
- Feed and walk pets
- Vacuum the car
- Take out trash cans
Kids in middle school and beyond can learn nearly any task. During the teen years, introduce new tasks periodically so your adolescent can master all skills. Your teen can:
- Clean tubs and toilets
- Organize the garage, basement, and closets
- Set up a garage sale
- Clean the kitchen, refrigerator, and oven
- Fix dinner
- Make a grocery list
- Grocery shop
- Pump gas
- Do laundry and ironing
- Mow the lawn
- Do minor household repairs
It’s never too late
If your child is beyond preschool or elementary age, and you haven’t offered many household responsibilities in the past, don’t despair. While it’s better to start when kids are young, it may be more difficult, but it’s not too late. Make a plan today to set your child or adolescent on a path toward self-reliance. You’ll both be glad you did as you watch your child reap the benefits of growing into an independent, successful young adult.
One of the best ways for kids to achieve this sense of capability is to take on household responsibilities.