The Shadow Side of New Year’s Resolutions
Every January, the San Juans fill with people trying to become better versions of themselves. We work out. We click into our skis for those early season laps, hoping the fresh snow will carry us into a fresher version of who we want to be. On the surface, resolutions look like discipline and motivation. Underneath, something quieter often drives them.
When “Self-Improvement” Is Really Self-Punishment
A lot of resolutions do not come from clarity. They come from shame. Many of us decide to change because a voice inside says we should be better, stronger, more fit, more productive. In a community like ours where grit and ambition run high, it is easy to take that same intensity that gets us out on adventures and turn it inward like a weapon.
The truth is that pressure to transform often comes from an old pattern that feels ignored. When we set a goal from that place, we end up at war with ourselves. We sabotage. We push too hard. Or the whole thing burns out before February even lands.
Growth Without the Self-Attack
The alternative is not abandoning growth. It is slowing down enough to see what is actually fueling the impulse to change. If the driver is fear, comparison, or the old story that we are not enough, then no resolution will feel good. If the driver is something steadier, the change feels honest instead of punishing.
This is where deeper inner work matters. Our conscious goals often clash with the unconscious parts of us we have shoved out of the way. Those inner patterns are not trying to block us. They want to be understood. When we meet them with curiosity, instead of judgment, the shadow becomes a guide instead of an enemy.
Durango Knows About Listening to the Terrain
Locals here get this on a body level. Just like you would not charge a backcountry line without scanning the snowpack, you cannot bulldoze yourself into a new identity without checking what is happening inside. Inner work has its own terrain. It asks for attention, honesty, and adjustment along the way.
Support helps with that. Not because anyone needs to be fixed, but because it is almost impossible to see your own blind spots. A coach or guide helps you notice what is running the show hidden beneath the surface so your commitments come from alignment rather than pressure.
Let Your Resolutions Soften
As the year begins, try loosening your grip on the resolutions. Let them breathe. Ask what part of you is rushing. Ask what part is tired. Ask what part is ready to grow on its own timeline. There is nothing weak about choosing a slower and more truthful path. Most people here understand that the long routes are often the most rewarding.
And remember that everyone around you is wrestling with their own patterns too, even the ones who look like they have it all dialed in and wrapped up in a bow. Growth is universal. Messiness is universal. Compassion makes it easier to stay in it.
If you want to explore this more in your own time, here are a few questions to ask yourself and maybe even journal about:
What intention would you set if you were not trying to impress anyone, including yourself?
Which parts of your life already feel aligned, and how do you know?
What would it look like to set an intention that actually supports your well being instead of trying to earn your worth?
If you feel pulled to explore the parts of yourself that shape your decisions and want a more honest direction for the year ahead, I am here to support you. We can walk through the inner terrain together so your growth comes from clarity rather than pressure.
With love and gratitude,
Cindy Schmidt
Owner, Wild New Way Jungian Life & Relationship Coaching
wildnewway.com | 970-985-2416 | 813 Main Ave, Suite 201, Durango, CO