The Internet can be a scary place. For those of you who once archaically called it the “World Wide Web”, you’d probably imagine people from far-flung places like Tunesia, Perth, and Beverly Hills hanging on your every word, judging your soul-bearing across vast distances.
So many of us perceive social media as a netherworld that will magnify both our insecurities and narcissism, where we’re exposed to every pair of eyes that owns an Internet connection. We begin to second-and-third guess ourselves before posting ANYTHING. (Yet the inverse is also true – there’s a reason that Influencer culture is thriving.) In business, it can be crippling, due to either self-consciousness or a fear of being “annoying”.
Unburdening yourself from these self-imposed burdens of global interest in yourself can be freeing.
Connection isn’t annoying. Self-promotion, celebration, and sharing knowledge are all things worthy of being public with, so long as it comes from a place of authenticity and you put yourself in the shoes of your audience, says Alison Lukin, of Officially Social. Alison has been advising clients about social media for more than a decade.
“People are really afraid to speak their minds because of the risk of offending people or having opinions that other people might not share,” she explains. “As long as you're always coming from a good place and acting with sincere good intentions then you're on the right path and you don't have to worry about it that much. It’s an opportunity to show your passion.”
So how do you dispel this feeling of “audience paralysis”? Alison has a method that she calls her “island theory.”
If you approach your social media audience as people on your own island, it comes down to understanding whose opinions matter most. She breaks down the island theory into tiers.
Tier One – The Permanent Residents
These are the only permanent residents of your island. Your immediate family. These are the people you are most responsible for and who matter most to you, the ONLY people whose opinions you take into consideration when making big life decisions. They are your closest top priority, your “why” in life.
Tier Two – Vacation Home Owners
The people closest to you not in your immediate family. Your best friends, mentors, people who have earned your innermost trust.
Tier Three – Air BnB Rentals
Do you have people who such family friends that your kids think they’re family? There’s an intimacy of care there, an accountability you don’t have with those in the next tier.
Tier Four – Hotel Guests
This is your next widest circle. The twenty or so friends you’d invite to a big party for a celebration. “Hey! So good to see you again! We have to do this again sometime soon – and this time I really mean it!”
Tier Five – The Day Trippers
They might not be in your daily life, but they still are important and contribute in a positive way. They might be just a part of your growth but again they're definitely significant people in your life.
Tier Six – The Periphery
People who are allowed to swim around the island but they don't actually come on. These are people let's say who aren't a direct threat to you, not dangerous to your life but maybe at some point they've proven themselves to maybe not always have your best interests at heart or they perhaps aren't 100% trustworthy. You keep them a little bit more at an arm’s length and you don't put too much stock into the relationship.
Tier Seven – Persona Non Grata
We all have people who have hurt us deeply in some way or form that's in some way crossed our boundaries in a big way with no remorse. Once you've really crossed that line and proven to me to not be someone who I can trust at all you are not allowed on the island and that's it. It's a very, very important boundary to have because people keep themselves in this pattern of repeatedly getting hurt and you don't have to let it happen again. Know your boundaries.
Once you have a sense of the tiers of people whose opinions matter most to you, you begin to understand who you’re trying to reach and speak to. They know who you are, and they trust what you’re saying – and care about what you need to say. Then you’ll release that pressure valve of perfection.
We all spend vast amounts of time doomscrolling on social media – there’s a reason that we’re all so involved. It’s interesting. But the amount of time spent with each post doesn’t warrant the scrutiny of the warts you’re afraid will be exposed. There’s always something new coming up on our own personal information superhighway. Remember, your audience is spending less time overthinking what you’ve shared than you ever will agonizing over how it will reflect upon you.
“I think the island theory is really freeing,” Alison admits. “You put yourself out there more because you’re not worrying about what every single person in your life is going to think. Just because you're not a permanent resident on my island doesn't mean that I don't love and care for you very much. I love and care for every single person that touches my island very much - you're important to me. But I just only take the thoughts and feelings of my permanent residents into consideration when I'm making personal decisions. If someone on my island voices negative opinion or disapproval about me or something that I'm doing, I think to myself ‘are my permanent residents cool with what I'm doing?’ If the answer is yes, then everything is good.”
So…who’s on your island?
Alison Lukin is CEO of Officially Social, a social media consultancy based in Boonton. For a look to see what they do, head over to officiallysocial.com.
Free yourself of worrying about what every single person in your life will think.