I remember the first time I walked into Urban Meditation. I felt so….comfortable. Like it was where I was supposed to be that day and I knew it. And I remember the first time I interacted with Tina, again, so incredibly comfortable; like I had known her for years. And once you get to know Tina you realize that’s just her. She is just a warm person, full of good energy and a willingness to help others. I felt like I could stand in her shop all day staring at crystals and touching ones that called to me. I picked out my crystals and was led to my private room. She guided me through the process, placing oil on my palms, explaining the detoxification benefits of the warm lava rock beneath me, making sure I was comfortable, and carefully placing my chosen crystals around my body as I adjusted my headphones. As soon as the cloth went over my eyes, I immediately felt my mind racing. It started tackling all my problems, listing out all my to-dos, pointing out some flaws, chastising me for not hitting the gym—I attempted to squeeze my eyes tighter and listen to the voice through my headphones and not my head. And as the voice reassured me that having intrusive thoughts was normal and a part of the process, I began to focus on my breath. Allowing my belly to expand and expel. And before I knew it, my time was up and the voice through the speakers was reminding me that I needed to make this a part of my regular routine. And it was right. I did.
I thanked them profusely as I walked out, my wheels turning with fresh thoughts and a newfound desire to explore the benefits of meditation as it pertained to my present life.
That was not the first time I meditated, but that was the first time I felt like I could make it a part of my routine. And beyond that, I wanted to incorporate it into my practice with clients. In the past when I meditated, I couldn’t sit still. ADHD doesn’t help, but I didn’t know where to put my mind–if that makes sense–or how to silence the verbal chatter that was scattered amongst my thoughts. I think the guiding aspect of Tina’s meditations really helped eliminate that. It gave me a visualization to focus on; a task other than the million tasks on my to-do list. It took the anxiety, stress and guesswork out of it. I didn’t have to figure out what to think and where to tuck my intrusive thoughts and negative self-talk. It happened naturally.
What Tina didn’t know at the time when I first stepped into her safe haven, was that I needed Urban Meditation more than I even realized. To say I was going through it was an understatement. I will do my best to quickly list out the mental turmoil, but the physiological effects were just as concerning. The mental and the physical go hand in hand. The power of your mind is incredible and as most of us know, power can be used for either good or evil. In my case, my mind and my environment had led me into a very dark place. My father had passed away suddenly from a brain aneurysm, my grandmother passed within months and my grandfather passed soon after, unable to continue living without his love of 65 years. I had uprooted my life from San Diego, CA to be with my mom. I was completely lost. Then COVID hit. I questioned my path and career choice within the medical system. I got pregnant, went through a horribly toxic, roller coaster of a relationship, and was attempting to manage my postpartum depression, anxiety, and the alcoholics around me. My amazing life became entangled with abuse, both physical and verbal, and wrought with a loss of identity as I frantically tried to cling to the pieces of myself that were falling apart. I lost my identity. There was an undeniable change from the extremely social and outgoing person I had been before my c-section to the shell of a person that I was. The lack of sleep was taking a huge toll. I began to implode, terrified my negativity would spread to others, I began to isolate. I was caught in a codependent, narcissistic, alcoholic, hormonal, anxiety-ridden mess. I had no idea how to escape. I felt trapped, alone and unrecognizable. Until one day, I decided to be social.
I went to an event on the beach because my friend invited me and visited Urban Meditation afterwards. The rest is history. There are no coincidences in life…everything happens for a reason and I am so, so, so grateful for that day. I am determined to create the best life I can; to live a happy and healthy life. And the first step towards making that possible was choosing myself that day, choosing 30 minutes dedicated to peace, and then continuing to choose that for the next two years.
I have had some incredible experiences while meditating, but what is undeniable is the profound mental and physical gains I have achieved through persistence and consistency over time. No one is perfect, I missed weeks, but I found small meditation moments. Lying in my bed after my son fell asleep, sitting in my car for a few minutes before stepping into a meeting or work, grounding outside with my son as I show him the important things in life…meditation is what you make it. It can be anything. It can be a place, it can be a feeling, it can be prayer or it can be thoughts. But meditation is of the mind and the power within your mind. Because that power doesn’t just stay in your head, there are physiological effects as well. My stress went down, which meant my cortisol levels went down. My adrenal glands got a break from fight or flight survival mode. My baby weight started to come off because I wasn’t stressed all the time. I started to find myself and in return, was able to let go of toxic parts of myself and toxic people. I trusted myself and my judgment again. I self reflected and handled the things that needed to be corrected so I could pursue the best version of myself. The peace and freedom I felt inside, began to reflect on the outside. People saw me smile more, I remembered how to laugh. I started organizing social events and not just going to them. I was actually funny again. I was finally me.
So when people ask me about my experience with meditation, it really is difficult to put the effects into a few sentences. I am still reaping the benefits every time I go. There is no end to growth if you have a desire to keep growing.
If you are curious, be curious. If you have questions, ask questions. But do it. Just go and try it. But try it more than once. Whether you don’t think you can because of whatever mental challenge you are facing or you feel stagnant in your life, just go and keep going. Meditation can be magic and magic is simply energy in different places. Find the right places for your energy.