If you’re of a certain age, you may have had a specific, irrational fear of something that really wasn’t a big threat.
Let's take Quicksand, for instance.
We all were terrified at the prospect of stumbling into that random patch of earth that was instantly ready to consume us, and we’d be nearly helpless in its cruel clutches.
Yet someone figured out that quicksand wasn’t the widespread menace that we thought it was, and we even were taught how to deal with it, if by some random chance we happened upon it.
The irony is that there is a pervasive trap that’s lurking in our lives that can suck us down as insidiously as quicksand. It’s stagnation. More critically, it’s resistance to change that keeps us locked in our own present that’s not working. However, unlike quicksand, it’s something that we may not even see we’re struggling with, sometimes even when it’s so suffocating that it’s almost impossible to breathe.
You might see this in your own life - or more helplessly, in the lives of loved ones who can’t (or won’t) see how their situation isn’t working, or is even toxic to their future and those around them.
This isn’t a cutting-edge problem, but there are new challenges that have arisen in recent years that have found new, insidious ways to keep people placidly content in their malaise. Even worse, they will often work very hard to defend a situation that clearly isn’t working.
This can and does happen to people at any stage of life. Yet it’s particularly troubling for those young adults who can’t get onto the on-ramp of life.
But that can happen to any of us, regardless of our age. Below are some challenges that can be real speedbumps for young adults, but ones that we all may need to overcome - and some ideas on how to keep driving forward and not spend the rest of your life in park.
New Challenges for a Digitally Dominant World
Let’s face it, Gen Z is still feeling the impact of the quarantine that really defined their high school lives. It necessitated a wholly online life, and its remnants have been pervasive. Now, social media is not just their getaway, it’s their mirror, their drug, their solace.
Unfortunately, it’s also a source of unrealistic expectations that they can find to be a barrier. How do I measure up to these others who have their own makeup line, have miraculously sculpted bodies, or otherwise have the world on a string?
Doomscrolling becomes a source of anxiety while being their seductive distraction from reality.
And there’s one further twist: that video you just watched might not even be human anyway. It just might be AI. You might be comparing yourself to a completely digital fabrication.
“It’s comparison on steroids. The baseline for "success" becomes impossibly high, so staying stuck feels less shameful than trying and falling short of the Instagram version,” says one ironically online commenter.
Moreover, this is the Golden Age of Publicly Oversharing, even if you’re not making it a career. We post updates constantly to our friends and followers, so setbacks are no longer as private as they once were. Previous generations could fail privately. This generation feels like they're failing on stage.
Another byproduct of their early isolation is a reliance upon online interaction, which didn’t allow them to create sufficient in-person interaction skills. It’s easy to hide behind the safety of online barriers that remove humanity from the equation. It gives a sense of productivity by doing research, applying to jobs online, and scrolling on LinkedIn, but it’s no replacement for actual progress, and most of the real meat of success is found offscreen.
Breaking Free of the Illusionary Cocoon
Well, let’s blow the lid off a not-so-recognized thing about most influencers and content creators in general: this is curated. What you see is what they want you to see. It’s edited, scripted, with truths hidden. You don’t see the failures, only the “best lives.”
They have real lives off-camera that are as imperfect as yours. They just choose not to show it. Don’t equate their message to perfection. And what’s worse, with social media, you don’t just see your peers. You now compare yourself to everyone, and that’s beyond unrealistic.
Social media makes it seem that everyone else has it all figured out; they have their lives hacked, flawlessly. You may feel as though you’re the only one who can’t get it together, so you feel shame and isolation.
The dirty little secret is that they all flail about as much as you do. They make mistakes, learn from them (possibly), take input from others, and accept help. You don’t see the first draft. You see polished, edited, reworked successes. It’s messier than you imagine.
Set Up Your Foundation for Success
Be accepting of starting slowly. Take small, somewhat minor steps. Gamify it if you need to.
Give yourself a challenge of speaking with five new people in a day. Reward yourself with an extra splash of mocha in your latte if you hit your goal to sweeten the result, preferably with a friend who can spur you on as you recap your progress.
Try a 30-day challenge to learn something new or try something you haven’t before. Take a class, try goat yoga, see if you can declutter something to clear out some bad energy and improve your feng shui. After a month, you might have begun a new pathway to success.
Physical exercise is wonderful for building confidence. Take a power walk, start a new pushup/crunch routine to begin or end your day, or try pickleball (with the added benefit of adding to your social skills).
Find an accountability person that you “report” to. When you have small successes, let them know. Never underestimate the power of having a good support system.
Positive inertia isn’t created simply by wins and outcomes. It’s the process. The actions are what’s important for building a new path to success. By focusing on what’s controllable, you’ll slowly build momentum that will carry you past any possible setbacks.
Remember, this isn’t about choosing major life overhauls. It’s about taking steps to get yourself moving in a positive direction. Feed your psyche with optimism. Each tiny step forward makes the next one seem less impossible.