CEO, Counselor, Coach, Brother, and Author. An agent of change. A man of curiosity. Gregory Koufacos.
I first met Gregory over a phone call, and in his voice lived passion and eagerness. He spoke kindly yet with assertion, and he proudly offered to send me a copy of his book, The Primal Method. Inside, you will find hope, instruction, optimism, science, and familiarity. The text aroused much curiosity in me, and I had the pleasure to have my questions answered.
Q: What were you like as an adolescent? Were you happy?
A: My childhood was wonderful but also turbulent. Wonderful because I had so much to be grateful for. I was healthy, strong and loved. I loved life! I was a passionate athlete and loved sports, and loved connecting to people of all ages. I had the unique opportunity to be bi-cultural and travelled to Greece every summer with my family to stay with relatives. Being able to see the difference between the two cultures - American and Greek - left a strong impression on me. Especially the landscape of Greece - the arid mountainous beauty, the deep blue sky and water, and the scents of flowers and foods.
Adolescence was also turbulent. I was a very intense character. I was driven, energetic, bold, and never fit into any moulds offered with the exception of sports where I could showcase my energy. School especially became a problem and the brass at school mostly did not know how to handle or guide me. I also developed conflict with my father, who wanted to guide me, but I was not open to that. My saving grace was I found a way to seek and secure strong mentors in the community - a gift that ended up both saving me and guiding my professional work later in life.
Q: What was your journey like as an author?
A: I started writing my book in 2016. It began with a developmental editor, just getting some thoughts and structure in place. I was sure I could complete the book in a year; it ended up taking every bit of four years! And the last years, I felt like a towel that was being wrung while I was internally screaming, "I have absolutely NO MORE to give!" But I knew I wanted to release the best possible product. And the guys I was working with were so eager to see it, too, that I didn't want to take any short-cuts. Finally I finished. Finally I accomplished my goal. The greatest joy was getting emails and reviews from readers, saying how much the book resonated with them and how much it ignited inspiration.
Q: What events inspired your journey in counseling and therapy?
A: I had worked jobs of all kinds from chef, to tailor, to carpenter, and everything in between. When I was finally "ready" to get serious about my unique destiny in life, I intuited that I really enjoyed talking and arguing and debating for the truth. For me, that meant a career in law or therapy. I reached out to two friends of my family, one a lawyer, the other a psychologist, and scheduled meetings with both to learn about their work. The psychologist booked a full hour for me. I got to his office and we sat and talked about my views of human behavior and our purpose. He listened with interest, and would make comments linking my views to different theories in psychology. I left his office with a very favorable impression of him and his work. In contrast, the lawyer blew me off. He was so busy that he couldn't even make time for our meeting. I decided right then that law could not offer a quality of life I would enjoy. Plus, I started to get a strong sense that I would rather use my power to liberate a person from their own demons rather than from a court case. I made my choice to enter the field of therapy.
Q: Brother Gregory: What does this name and website mean to you?
A: Brother Gregory is a name my mentor gave to me. He said, "You are like a really close friend and a monk at the same time - you're Brother Gregory." It became a running joke between us. And I saw that it fit. What I was really doing with the young men I was working with was becoming like a brother to them, someone who cares a lot and connects at a deep level, but who is also very hard and firm with them, unyielding. That's what I bring to the men with whom I work.
Q: What 3 habits are most worthy of an individual's time and effort? Why?
#1. Spending time in nature, without modern distractions. We are very deeply attuned to the earth, and most of our desperate and futile attempts to connect to each other in our modern ways - like through social media - are simply because we have lost awareness of our most important connection, the one with the Earth.
#2. Spend time with a person or group of people who are striving to actualize a path. Men, especially, are pack animals. We really need to be in a tribe with those who share a common mission, goal, and vision, and be working towards that vision - not necessarily collectively but at least talking about our journeys honestly.
#3. Spend time being really present with people, especially ones you sense have deep importance to you, because they won't be there forever. I decided to spend every Tuesday morning - my day off from work - with my neighbor Paul, who was in his late 70s. He and I would walk and talk about life. After months of us saying, "We should get together some time," I made a commitment to that, and then finally I made it a priority. We enjoyed a whole year like that until he suddenly and tragically passed on. I was at his funeral and felt so sad, yet I also felt such a deep appreciation that I got to know this special man!
Q: How does a man know when he has become the deepest and greatest version of himself?
A: A man never knows this - we are always on a path of deepening. In many ways the goal is to arrive at what Socrates said: "I alone know, because I know that I don't know." We are an infinite mystery! Paul used to always ask me on our walks, "Are you fascinated with yourself?" I now understand what he meant: do you see how amazing and blessed you are? I think that is the greatest version of a man: to authentically be interested in himself and to be mapping himself out. Then you know the joy of being alive, "a-life". And what humility and what strength that realization and journey requires of us!
Gregory M. Koufacos, MA LCADC NCRC
Brother Gregory
973-632-7288
gmkoufacos@gmail.com
