Katie Cosmas wears a small butterfly around her neck. It rests just below her collarbone, quiet and constant.
“That symbolizes who?” we asked.
“Taylor Paige, our firstborn,” she says. “She’d be 16 now. A sweet 16.”
In 2010, Katie and her husband Mark welcomed their first child. Taylor had blonde hair and her father’s deep blue eyes. The pregnancy was smooth. She was healthy. She hit every milestone.
“She was just a happy baby,” Katie remembers.
Five months and three days into Taylor's life, Katie laid her down for a nap in her crib. The room temperature was right. The guidelines were followed.
"That day is forever etched in my memory," she says. "Every second."
Three months later, the report came back: undetermined. SIDS.
"They still don't know what causes it," Katie says. "Sixteen years later, they still don't know."
Grief settled in slowly and completely.
It was waking up and remembering.
It was replaying details.
It was asking impossible questions.
"I would call the pediatrician asking, what did I do?" she says.
There were no answers.
What carried Katie and Mark forward was each other.
“I could be having the best day,” she says. “And if Mark says he’s having a sad day and missing Taylor, I have to stop. I have to just be there for him.”
Two years later, their son Cade was born.
“He filled a broken part in our hearts.”
Motherhood after loss comes with a different kind of awareness. Every sound matters. Every silence matters. But life continued.
Then Addy arrived.
Born six weeks early, Addy spent her first weeks in the NICU. After months of testing and uncertainty, doctors diagnosed her with Costello syndrome, a rare genetic condition with roughly 500 known cases worldwide.
“It took about two years to get a diagnosis,” Katie says.
There were more hospital transfers. More monitors. One day, her heart rate would not lower. Katie and Mark followed another ambulance.
“We thought we were going to lose another child,” she says quietly.
Addy is now 10, still in Kindergarten.
“She’s super tiny. She looks like she’s five. But man, that girl’s got spunk.”
Addy didn’t walk until nearly five. She continues to learn and grow at her own pace. And yet, as Katie describes her, none of that defines her.
“She lights the world on fire,” she says. “Her one-liners are better than mine.”
Addy knows about Taylor. Recently, while remodeling her bedroom, she made a simple request.
“She said, ‘Mom, I want a big picture of Taylor in my room like you guys have.’”
Katie smiled.
“Of course.”
Taylor’s angel day is April 18th.
Every year, the family visits her gravesite.
And this year, April 18th carries an added layer.
The 26th annual PANDA Fashion Show and Luncheon, one of the Valley’s most significant pediatric medical research fundraisers, will take place on Taylor’s angel day.
“I knew it was a sign,” she says.
When Katie was asked to serve as one of this year’s PANDA chairs and later learned the event date, she paused. For Katie, PANDA has never been just a luncheon. It is the bridge between loss and action.
“PANDA is a women’s board set up to generate revenue for pediatric medical research,” she explains. “Given our history, it’s something I’m extremely passionate about.”
It was through PANDA that she was introduced to Dr. Ghishan at the Steele Children’s Research Center in Tucson, a pivotal connection in Addy’s medical journey. It was through PANDA that research became personal, not abstract.
This year’s theme, Among the Wildflowers, centers on resilience. On children who endure more than they should. On families who grow in places they never expected to.
And woven quietly into the event’s branding is a butterfly.
Her co-chairs suggested it.
“We have to add a butterfly for Taylor.”
So this April 18th, in a ballroom filled with wildflowers, research, and 1,200 people gathered in support of children they may never meet, Katie will stand in a room that exists because of hope.
The date is not lost on her.
A sign. A symbol. Something spiritual, probably.
Sixteen years after losing Taylor, Katie still carries her. Not just around her neck. But in the way she parents. In the way she advocates. In the way she shows up.
“Be kind to yourself,” she says, reflecting on what she tells other parents walking through loss or medical uncertainty. “You have to let yourself experience all of it.”
On April 18th, she will do what she has done every year since 2010.
She will say her daughter’s name.
And this time, an entire room will carry it with her.
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