Have you ever done something simply because you knew it would scare you, challenge you, and make you proud all at once?
That was me on June 18.
A few months ago, I applied to participate in a local Drop the Mic storytelling event hosted by SPEAC Success. The moment I hit "Submit," my first thought was, What did I just do? Then came weeks of writing, rewriting, and practicing a five-minute speech everywhere from my shower to the Waveny walking trails.
My talk was about Becoming. How much of my life I spent chasing external validation before realizing the person I was trying so hard to become was already there all along.
Standing on stage in front of more than 100 people was exhilarating. I worried about forgetting my speech, tripping up the stairs, or randomly needing to cough at the worst possible moment. Surprisingly, the one thing I never worried about was whether I'd win. I simply wanted to prove to myself that I could do something that scared me. I also wanted to show my two young daughters that you can do hard things.
To my surprise, I walked away with the 'Audience Favorite' award. While the recognition meant a lot, the real reward was knowing that people connect most when we're willing to be honest about our own fears and insecurities.
As I was putting together this month's column, I realized both questions are really about the same thing. One asks how to stop seeking validation from an invitation list. The other wonders when self-promotion crosses the line into cringe. Different situations, same challenge: learning to value yourself before waiting for someone else to do it for you.
Maybe that's what Becoming is really about. Not convincing the world you're enough, but just believing it yourself.
xx Leslie
I recently received an invitation that made me feel like I was more of an afterthought than a must-have guest. How do you handle situations where it's pretty clear you're on the B-list or even the C-list without your ego getting in the way?
Dear Seat Filler,
Well, the host didn't do a very good job of making you feel wanted. Whether you're inviting someone in the first round or the fifth, good hosts know how to make every guest feel like they're on the VIP list. The fact that you could clearly tell you were an afterthought is, frankly, a little tacky.
It sounds like the host realized they had a few empty seats to fill and thought, "Who can we invite at the last minute?" Your name landed on that list.
Even so, I wouldn't let your ego drive the decision. If it's an event you're genuinely interested in attending, go. Have fun! Enjoy yourself! A great party is still a great party, regardless of when the invitation arrived.
But I understand what's really bothering you. It's not the event itself. It's the realization that you weren't in the first round of invites. Nobody enjoys feeling like Plan C.
The question becomes: is it better to be invited late or not invited at all?
My advice? Accept invitations because you want to be there. If the event excites you, go. If your main motivation is proving you belong on a list, stay home or make other plans.
Coincidentally, I found myself in a similar situation recently. The invitation arrived late enough that I knew I wasn't on the A-list. I politely declined. Not because I was offended, but because I wasn't excited enough about the event to overlook the circumstances.
- Leslie
At what point does self-promotion become cringe? I know I need to be visible to grow my brand, but I never want to be THAT person on social media.
Dear Panic Poster,
One of the biggest misconceptions, I think, about social media is that everyone is paying as much attention to us as we are.
Most people are scrolling while waiting for coffee, sitting in the carpool line, or pretending to watch a streaming show (that's me with Emily in Paris). They're not analyzing your content nearly as much as you're analyzing it before you hit "post."
I do have a rule, though: if it makes you cringe, don't post it.
If something feels forced, or like you're trying too hard to convince people how amazing you are, your audience will probably feel that too. On the other hand, if you're on the fence, post it anyway and see what happens. Every post is data. The content you thought would be a huge success might flop, while the quick, authentic post you almost didn't share could end up resonating the most.
Here's the mindset shift that helped me: think about social media as sharing something useful instead of talking about yourself. Your audience is following you, yes, you, because they want to learn something, be inspired, be entertained, solve a problem, or feel connected.
I find that the strongest personal brands don't constantly say, "Look at me. I'm so fabulous on a boat in The Bahamas." They say, "Here's a restaurant I loved, a mistake I made, or something I learned while I was there that might help you if you ever visit."
That's the difference.
And remember, you are not your brand.
Your brand is a business. A platform. A product. You are simply the person helping tell its story.
As someone who launched a public-facing brand this year, I understand how uncomfortable it can feel to put yourself out there. Truthfully, I still don't really know what I'm doing or what I should be doing half the time. But I remind myself that if I believe in what I'm building, it's my job to tell people about it.
And there's nothing cringey about that!
- Leslie
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