When I bring up the topic of self-care, I often get eye rolls—especially from my teenage clients. One of them recently asked me, “Why do I have to like myself?” It’s a fair question, but one with a powerful answer. Learning to love yourself is essential for building confidence and seeking less validation from others. For parents, modeling self-love is one of the best ways to teach your kids how to cultivate their own.
As a self-confidence coach for teenage girls (and the teenage girl in all of us), I’ve seen how self-confidence stems from self-love, self-trust, self-belief, and self-awareness. Here are four steps to help you—and your teens—embrace self-love.
1. Try Daily Affirmations
Positive affirmations are a powerful tool for rewiring your brain to focus on self-love and confidence. I keep a sticky note of affirmations on my bathroom mirror right next to my toothbrush. My daughter even has her own set! Some of my favorites include: “My gifts are needed in this world,” “You’ve got this," and "I’ve got you.” This all might sound a little silly to you, so start small. Post just one affirmation where you’ll see it every day and change it up after a while. Let this become a quiet yet consistent reminder of your worth.
2. Schedule Self-Care
Self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s about finding what nourishes you and committing to it. For me, it’s waking up early to work out. For others, it might be reading or taking a walk. Whatever it is, make it non-negotiable. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s a way of showing yourself that you matter.
3. Set Clear Goals
Self-love isn't always about creating comfort for yourself. One of the most loving things you can do for you is to push yourself to fulfill your potential. Take time to consider what you want in this one and only life you're living and what you need to do (and believe) to achieve that. Then, take the first small step by writing down one goal for the year that you know you can achieve. Your self-confidence soars when you are willing to leave your comfort zone.
4. Be Mindful of Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk, or the “bully brain,” can be relentless. Talk back to it by turning up the volume on your “bestie brain.” Ask yourself, “What would love sound like right now?” This practice rewires your brain to prioritize kindness over criticism.
Loving yourself is a journey, but by practicing these steps, you’re not just building self-confidence—you’re modeling it for your kids. And that’s a gift that lasts a lifetime.
About The Author
Leslie Randolph, a self-confidence coach for teenage girls and the girl within us all, helps clients overcome anxiety and build confidence. A TEDx speaker, workshop facilitator, and host of "Why Didn’t They Tell Us," she shares life lessons to inspire others. Learn more at confidencecoachforgirls.com.
Learning to love yourself is essential for building confidence and seeking less validation from others.