Relationships, much like the tides, experience a natural ebb and flow—periods of closeness followed by times of distance.This rhythm is also true between brothers, whether connected by blood or shared experiences. While the dynamics may shift over time, the significance of brotherhood remains steadfast. These bonds and their evolving nature, the importance of male connection, and the enduring impact they have on our lives is essential to both boys and men alike.
At best, family is at least a little complicated. A mash-up of hopes and dreams, moods, energies, interests, and proximity — which breeds both affection and, occasionally, contempt. That experience is universal, though it’s flavored by the specifics of our own lives.
In my case, I’m the middle of three boys. I was much closer in age to my older brother — just over a year behind in school — while our younger brother came along four years later. The last time we were all in the same school building, I was in fifth grade.
Trailing closely behind my older brother, it is safe to describe us as rivals. But it taught me resilience–and a hefty dose of patience. It also meant I inherited more than just his hand-me-downs — I inherited his reputation. To say I lived in his shadow is a fair description. Shadows can function as shade, protecting us from the heat, but they can also obscure us, making it harder for others to see who we really are. I was often approached by people with some preconceived idea of who I was — sometimes positive, sometimes not. Was it lazy on their part? Maybe. But it was also efficient.
With my younger brother, things were different. I had the upper hand simply by age and experience. Sure, I did my fair share of tormenting — as my older brother did to me — but perhaps because of –or in spite of– our age gap, we played together more often, especially around the house. The dynamic was less combative, more collaborative. While the older two of us often shared sports and social circles, the youngest brought a different energy to our trio's dynamic.
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Fast forward several decades, and the relationships between us have shifted significantly — and for the better. That evolution wasn’t automatic. It took time and honesty and developed out of a level of trust and some long hard discussions about how we experienced one another, and the world in general, growing up. The closeness we share now came not from simply letting bygones be bygones, but from wearing the rug threadbare until there was nothing left to sweep the dust under.
That kind of hard-earned bond is the same foundation that supports any lasting male friendship. It requires effort. Expectations must be managed. Space must be made — for time together, and apart. Without that maintenance, the cost is paid elsewhere: in isolation, dissatisfaction, stagnant relationships, or even diminished performance in work or other areas of life.
That’s not to say every interaction needs to be deep and meaningful. Sometimes, it really is just about the fun. Watching a game, talking nonsense about things that ultimately don’t matter. Tinkering on projects together. Sitting around a fire and watching the world burn–at least the world inside the fire pit. Sometimes, that is enough and other times it is everything.
Because in a world that’s always shifting, having our brothers — by blood or by bond — is what helps steady the ground beneath us, making the unknown more bearable, even if just for a little while.
Because the world is always shifting having brothers steadies the ground beneath us