Harmony at home: it is something we all strive to achieve. In my profession, I’ve had the opportunity to observe relationships breaking down. During those observations, I gained a deeper understanding about why relationships break down. I've seen the source. With every story I heard about why a relationship ended, I learned something. It only takes one person to end a relationship, but it takes two to keep it alive and thriving. Before I outline my tips for a healthy relationship, which translates to more harmony at home, I want to emphasize that I am not perfect, and my relationships are not perfect. Marriage and relationships are work — hard work! No matter where you are in your relationship or marriage, don’t give up! Harmony is possible. Below, I outline some of my tips for creating or maintaining a healthy relationship.
Communication
From my personal and professional experience, I believe communication is the key to a healthy relationship. However, communication is one of the biggest challenges in a relationship. We cannot assume the other person knows how we feel or why we feel a certain way or what is bothering us in the relationship. If we don’t communicate, then we cannot blame the other person for when the relationship breaks down. I believe communication is the foundation! In relationships, we should communicate about the biggest and smallest things; the good and the bad. Don’t just limit communication to the negative. Communicate about the positive things too. Don’t be afraid to ask the other person for help. We might not ask for help because we are afraid the other person may view us as weak, but in a relationship, everyone is on a team together. When one teammate is down or needs help, the other teammate should step in. Communication is the glue that holds relationships together.
Priorities
From my perspective, I believe that in order for a marriage or a relationship to strengthen, grow, and flourish, the relationship must be a daily priority. I wear many hats, from a wife and a mother to an attorney. Despite all the hats I wear daily, I learned over time that my marriage and relationship with my daughter must be a greater priority than my job. That doesn’t mean my career is unimportant, but it does mean that I try to keep things balanced as best as possible. For a marriage to be healthy, the other person in the relationship must feel and know they are a priority. Create time together, from vacations without children to date nights or day dates. The date doesn’t have to be extravagant; it could even be just having coffee at home together without distractions. Elevate the relationship to a top priority.
Hobbies
I believe that for a couple to stay together, they must play together. Find a hobby you can do together, such as golf, tennis, fishing, or volunteering. This is especially important as the children grow older. Personally, I know it is hard to find a hobby to do with your spouse when the children’s activities take up most of the time. However, eventually, the children grow older, and one day they will graduate and move out of the home. So, make time today for a hobby — even if the hobby is playing video games together after the kids go to bed. It doesn’t matter what the hobby is, just find a hobby together.
Counseling
Too often, when the marriage or relationship is breaking down, nobody consults with a therapist. From my perspective, this is a mistake. Don’t wait until the damage is done to consult with a therapist. Meet with a therapist early, when things are progressing down a path of destruction. A therapist can help with communication and assist you with getting the relationship back on the right track. If meeting with a therapist is not an option, try consulting with a pastor or a church leader. Consider counseling as an option before ending the relationship or marriage.
The list of tips above may be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Just start somewhere; pick one to try. Harmony at home has a trickle-down effect. Not only does harmony improve our relationships, it also improves our own mental and physical health. Don’t underestimate the importance of living in harmony with each other!
Jill Lowe
Collaborative Divorce Attorney
It only takes one person to end a relationship, but it takes two to keep it alive and thriving.