After 31 years on the desk, I signed off as a TV news anchor on July 31st, 2024.
The next morning, I was on a plane to Poland to get on my inner “Swiftie” with my daughter for Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. Seemed like the perfect way to launch into my own new era even if I still don’t know quite what that is.
What I do know, is that the time between getting your kids off to college and retirement should be called the other “wonder years." It’s just as awkward in many ways. You feel a bit unsteady, uncertain of where you’re going, what your purpose is, even your identity and how you’ll fill all that time you devoted to them.
For me, when my first born went to college, I was confused as to how I could feel so sucker-punched by his absence. We had all worked so hard to help him achieve his dream of playing college baseball. I was there for every game, victory, loss, streak, strike and step. I saw it all coming. His goal was our goal. So when it came time to drop him off at college how could I feel so unprepared? I’ll never forget taking off on the flight home, it felt so unnatural leaving my child behind. It went against every protective instinct I have as a mom. There was just no easing into it.
For the next year I felt like a bruise. I wasn’t unhappy, but I was tender and not quite myself. I still had a child at home so I felt guilty complaining about my sense of loss and internalized a lot. They say sprains can take longer to heal than fractures, so it kinda makes sense my soft tissue needed some time. It was a different sensation when my youngest and last left home. You’re more confident because you’re a hardened veteran now or so you think.
When we left our daughter’s dorm my husband put in a playlist he made for the long ride home. It began with Chris Stapleton’s “Starting Over." We held hands and cried silently together for a solid hour. It was just so hard to believe that this beautiful family we built and all the chaos that went with it was literally in our rearview mirror.
There are very few pages in the chapters of our lives that turn so abruptly. It takes time to process and is one as well. I find the key is to lean into it because the reality is you have no other choice. It’s a new season of your life – a beginning, not just an ending.
May is a time to celebrate moms and graduates, so why not celebrate all the moms out there graduating to the next level: becoming empty nesters. Because who wants to go quietly into the night. We want to light up the other parts of ourselves we’ve put on hold while raising others. To steal a line from Taylor Swift: “I haven’t met the new me yet.” It’s from her hit song “Happiness," something I’m betting on and you can too. I think (hope) I’ve unlocked the key and I call it “empty zesting." Stay tuned.
Kathleen Bade is a 13 time Emmy award winning journalist & Walter Cronkite School Hall of Fame inductee at ASU. Follow her “Empty Zesting” adventures on Instagram @kathleenbade