In a world where the experience of womanhood is fraught with its unique set of challenges, from unrealistic societal expectations to personal battles, navigating the complexities of our female experience often requires perseverance, determination and the courage to confront adversity.
Through our distinct perspectives, we find wisdom, inspiration, and guidance, reminding us of the resilience that resides within each of us, and the transformative power of self-reflection. From a cross-section of women bravely reflecting on triumphs, tribulations, and pivotal moments, emerges commonality, a sense of fellowship and relatable reflections to empower the younger self in us all.
As I sit quietly and contemplate what I wish young Patti knew, I envision myself as a doe-eyed, innocent 8 year old who was on the verge of losing her self-confidence, she just didn’t know it yet. Many of us can examine our past experiences and call to mind an age when beliefs about ourselves, our family or the world began to change. For me, it wasn’t an instantaneous change, instead it evolved slowly, insidiously, over time.
I received the message that questioning or speaking my truth wasn’t safe. “Be small.” “Be quiet.” “Contort yourself to fit into this box.” Finally, now in my 50s, I found the courage to confront and explore the misogyny and misguided beliefs that led me down the path of self-abandonment and sabotage. What I have come to understand is that each of us has an innate “inner knowing”; an intuitive understanding of our soul’s desires. Somewhere along the way many of us lose sight of that.
Ignoring that deep understanding of ourselves, shoving it down, or masking it with distractions will lead to feeling unsettled, difficult relationships or a sense of misalignment. To my younger self: "Honor your intuition. Trust that you know what is best for you.”
We are moved by the wisdom of the women, ranging in ages from 30s-70s, whose words to the younger version of themselves may be a guiding light for us all. In sharing, we aim to amplify women’s voices and the poignant, heartfelt messages to a younger self while fostering a greater sense of community and shared experience.
The 30s - Exploring New Opportunities:
As one of our writers, Katie Bobrow, 39, explains, when people are expected to have all the answers and make life-changing decisions at the young age of 18, it can be paralyzing. She would tell her younger self: “Just take a step. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Even a misstep can open new doors.” This realization was echoed by others in this age group. Grace G., 30, agreed, adding, "You don't have to conform to anyone's expectations but your own. Remember, your pace and path in life is yours. Hold your head high and trust your abilities."
As a mom of young children, Katie's focus cannot always be on herself but she continues to find new passions. “I follow my gut and take chances because that can lead to wonderful learning opportunities.”
Speaking of being a young mom, many other women in this age group can relate. Janelle J., 35, would remind herself to “savor your carefree childhood, it is pure gold.” Reminders to live in the moment. Our 30s are a time of coming into ourselves and all that womanhood offers. Striking a balance is key.
The 40s - Finding Balance and Confidence:
Confidence comes from no longer chasing the "-est" - smartest, prettiest, thinnest, best at (fill in the blank). Denise S. Physical Therapist, mid 40s, shares the sentiment her mother always imparted: “If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.” Denise interpreted that as a reminder that we continuously have the opportunity to learn from others.
Allowing ourselves to be receptive to another person's perspective can open our hearts and minds and build our own confidence. Yet, making decisions about what is best for us based on others' opinions of us, steers us off course and farther away from our true self.
“Stop worrying about what others think of you, they don't define you. Stop apologizing and embrace your uniqueness.” Deirdra W., 41, puts into words what many of us have struggled with internally - allowing fear or doubt to stand in the way of pursuing our dreams.
Kristen M, Physician, 45, echoes what we heard from many others regarding self abandonment. “Do not lose yourself on the way to becoming yourself,” she urges. As someone who was always driven to achieve, she, like others, found herself trying to fit into a preconceived set of standards. Looking back she would remind herself to “Pursue your passions and talents that give you energy.”
The 50s - Focusing on Empowerment and Personal Growth
Self-reflection and life-experience guide us toward empowerment of self and others. And the confidence to share our insights.
Lori P., Life Coach, 56, tells herself there is "no such thing as perfect. Stop worrying about what others think." Stephanie O., 59, grew up struggling in school and believing she wasn’t good enough. She’d reassure herself, “you are braver, stronger and smarter than you realize. School does NOT define you.” Your gifts are unique to you, embrace them. And as Sheri P, 56, reminds, lead with love and an open heart and "focus on creating memories with loved ones while they are here and pursue your passions."
Jen R., 53 introspects, “You are enough exactly as you are. Don’t try to be more for others that don’t see your worth”. Adding to this realization, Klaudia B, holistic health coach, 50, shared, "There has always been a voice inside me, often muffled by cultural 'musts' and 'shoulds'." To her younger self: "Listen to your intuition and have the courage to walk away from the mainstream." Linda G., women's financial coach, 53, simply says: “Think bigger”. Another nod to breaking out of the box.
Donna L., salon owner, early 50s, has faced numerous challenges throughout her life. From racial bias to domestic violence to the challenges immigrants face. Out of those experiences she has learned "failure is just another word for 'fuel', it builds growth and resilience. So, take risks despite the possibility of failure." "Self-acceptance leads to self-love. Honesty with yourself builds character and translates to honesty and integrity toward others." Live life authentically.
The 60s & Beyond - Experienced, Reflective, Wise, Trailblazing:
Alicia B, Girls’ Empowerment Coach, 71, reminds herself and others “Do not let experiences from your younger life self rule your adult life. This, too, shall pass.”
Marie T, 60s, would encourage her younger self to spend more time with her mom who died at 60. Time is precious and fleeting.
Rosemary G., 76, grew up in a time where society believed women were fragile, incapable of critical thinking and not worthy of a higher education. Added to that was the preconceived notion of how a woman should look and behave (something we still struggle with today). These cultural norms and added obstacles contributed to her challenges in succeeding in the corporate world. Through self-reflection, Rosemary can now look back and share these words of strength and resilience: “Be your own advocate, listen to yourself and trust your instincts. Temper your need for approval from others. Lean on others for support. And above all, be caring, kind and compassionate - to yourself, first”.
"I found the courage to confront and explore the misogyny and misguided beliefs that led me down the path of self-abandonment and sabotage."
"You are enough exactly as you are. Don’t try to be more for others that don’t see your worth”.
"Do not lose yourself on the way to becoming yourself. Foster your passions and talents that give you energy and fulfillment."
