In today’s fast-paced world, finding meaningful moments to connect with friends and loved ones has become increasingly difficult. Too often, we communicate with our close friends via texting at red lights, school pick-up, or grocery store lines and assume that the person on the other end is doing fine. But beneath the surface, people often battle struggles they may not share. This is where the concept of the “eight-minute catch-up” comes in.
The idea behind the “eight-minute catch-up” is simple: dedicate short, focused periods of time—just eight minutes—to truly connect with someone. Put simply, the exercise encourages active listening and genuine concern, not just a quick check-in but a moment of real presence.
The Inspiration
Author Simon Sinek, known for his insights into leadership and human connection, tells the story of being struck by a profound realization during a conversation with a close friend. He asked a simple question: "How are you?" To Sinek’s shock, the friend revealed they had been quietly struggling with depression. Sinek says his immediate reaction was, “What? Why didn’t you call me?” The friend’s response, though subtle, was a stark reminder of how people sometimes reach out for help in small ways—through casual greetings or seemingly random texts—without explicitly saying, “I need help.”
Sinek’s friend had, in fact, sent him messages before, saying things like, “Hello” and, “How are you doing?” But these texts never evolved into deeper conversations about the friend’s emotional struggles. It was an eye-opener for Sinek. People often suffer in silence, feeling either too ashamed or too burdened to admit they need help, even when they reach out in small ways.
This realization catalyzed Sinek’s mission to spread awareness about the importance of intentional listening and connection. He started advocating for the “eight-minute catch-up” to foster genuine connection, especially in a world where we’re all too often distracted by the busyness of our lives.
Listening with Purpose
Sinek’s approach highlights the power of brief but focused periods of connection. By setting aside this time, we avoid conversations dragging on past their welcome or ending abruptly—issues identified in a 2021 study conducted by Dan Gilbert and Gus Cooney. Their research found that people often struggle to know when to end conversations, leading to discomfort or missed opportunities for connection. The eight-minute catch-up solves this problem by offering a structured yet compassionate approach to communication.
But it’s more than just the time; it’s about how we use it. When focused entirely on someone else, eight minutes can create a space for vulnerability, honesty, and trust. It’s about showing up, listening intently, and offering a sense of presence that goes beyond a quick text or distracted conversation by answering the call.
The Pandemic and Silent Struggles
The COVID-19 pandemic taught us all a valuable lesson: people suffer in silence more than we realize. Isolation, anxiety, and uncertainty took a toll on many and reaching out to friends and loved ones became more crucial than ever. Sinek reflects on this period, pointing out that one of the greatest honors we can give someone is simply asking, “Do you have eight minutes?”
This question became a kind of “code” between Sinek and his friend Christina, a symbol of care and willingness to listen. If you’re hurting, it’s a powerful way to ask for help. And if you receive that text, it’s an invitation to step up and offer comfort. Christina explains: “There is no greater honor than to send a text message that says, ‘Do you have eight minutes?’ It’s a way of saying, ‘I’m here for you, and I care enough to listen.’”
The Power of Being Present
At the end of the day, eight minutes may seem like a small amount of time, but it’s a gift. “Eight minutes!” says Simon. “When somebody texts you, ‘Do you have eight minutes?’ Any of us can pause a movie, step out of a meeting, or leave a room to talk to a friend in need for eight minutes.”
And the best part? It works both ways. When we ask someone, “Do you have eight minutes?” we invite them to share whatever is on their mind. Whether it’s a burden they’ve been carrying or simply the need for a friendly chat, this small act of reaching out can make an enormous impact.
In a world where it’s so easy to get caught up in our own lives, taking the time to listen can be a game-changer. Listening with intention—if only for eight minutes—can uplift someone who feels invisible, unheard, or overwhelmed. It’s a simple yet profound way to show you care.
So next time a friend crosses your mind or you notice that someone might need a little extra support, ask them, “Do you have eight minutes?” This small but powerful question could make all the difference.
Brian T. McVey, MAPP, is a proud dad who is currently working as a sales and marketing manager. A Chicago native who’s now embraced Texas as home, McVey draws on his journey as a former Chicago police officer. He was injured in the line of duty in 2012 and relocated his family to Boerne in 2016.
McVey’s experiences have fueled a deep appreciation for resilience and well-being; writing about health and wellness brings him immense joy, allowing him to share insights that inspire others. McVey enjoys meeting and bringing people together over a coffee, so he invites you to email him at btmcvey77@gmail.com if you’d ever like to talk.
Brian T. McVey, MAPP | btmcvey77@gmail.com
McVey is a proud dad who works as a sales and marketing manager. He draws on his journey as a former Chicago police officer who was injured in the line of duty in 2012 before moving his family to Boerne in 2016. McVey’s experiences have fueled a deep appreciation for resilience and well-being. He enjoys meeting and bringing people together over coffee, so he invites you to email him if you’d ever like to talk.