I admire the home entertainers and chefs whose skill rises to the level of high art and craft. The people who smear hummus on a platter just so, and then follow with a curated sprinkling of imported olives, home grown herbs and love. My mother, aka The German, was Martha before Martha was a thing. So much so that I would pay to see the two of them duke it out in a steel cage linen-pressing mangle match. (If you know, you know). Sadly, the only thing I took away from my years spent toiling under my mom’s watchful eye - and dutifully investing time and money in all things Martha Stewart - is a broad vocabulary of fancy words related to the home arts that I stridently employ when I am pretending to have the first clue about what happens in a kitchen or garden. I will bandy about boldly, trilling useless words like espalier-sous vide-naturalizing-cerused-proofing-turducken-tincture to gild and embellish my shocking ignorance about cooking and gardening, which as far as I can tell, require both magic and voodoo to accomplish. The less talented rest-of-us have developed a very particular set of skills to compensate. We, the less talented, rely on distraction and sleight of hand so I suppose that means even we “unMarthas” can make magic near the kitchen.
Nice to see you Chip!
Entertaining friends shouldn’t be stressful. Pick a between meal time to serve good champagne and lightly salted chips or other pebble sized foods in fancy bowls. Or buy fresh chips and salsa from a local restaurant to pair with Margaritas to elevate Taco Tuesday. If you’re on the fly, I like Mari Hartman Stevens’ idea to lay a bag of chips horizontally, slice a rectangular hole in the side, and serve.
May I take your order please?
Fast food at a party is akin to that wonderful moment when a stranger becomes a friend. Shoulders relax, the volume rises, and laughter fills the air. Count on Dick’s Burgers, Ezell’s Fried Chicken, Zeek’s Pizza or a fast(ish) feast from Mediterranean Kitchen.
It’s my secret recipe.
Like true chefs, uncooks have tried and true hacks and sources. Pasta & Co and Costco are reliable for Mac and Cheese (Beecher’s is the Worlds’s Best, why compete?), cookie dough, jumbo prawns, and many more low cook options. Cynthia Harper has a collection of go to apps. She hacked the recipe for her favorite store-bought cheese spread by stirring two big dollops of Dalmatia Fig Jam into 8oz of whipped cream cheese to serve with fresh sourdough.
I know a guy…
I think of Ned as the Chief Cheesemonger at Whole Foods in Bellevue. Ned saves my cheddar on a regular basis with helpful ideas for party snacks and embellishments (see Spanish Cocktail Mix and giant caper berries) plus his team will transform your customer provided cutting board or platter into gorgeous charcuterie or cheese displays. Just give him 72 hours’ notice.
Look over there!
There are moments in our lives when we must pick between looking good, tasting good and being good. When it comes to entertaining, it’s not too scandalous to choose looks over good deeds. So, turn down the lights, buy a few dozen cheap jumbo tea lights from IKEA and some Trader Joe’s orchids and hope everyone is too busy taking flattering selfies of their candlelit selves to notice your tragic turkey. And don’t forget a solid playlist, a buzzy crowd and fabulous parting gifts set a magical mood.