As the holiday season approaches, calendars quickly fill with family dinners, festive parties, and first introductions. Whether you're meeting your significant other's family for the first time or hosting guests around your own table, etiquette expert Kristen DeSanto believes great manners aren't about perfection; they're about making others feel comfortable, respected, and welcome. From conversation starters and dining etiquette to thoughtful hostess gifts and unforgettable first impressions, her timeless advice proves that confidence begins long before everyone takes their seats.
For Kristen, etiquette has never been about memorizing rules. It's about building confidence.
Long before launching Modernly Mannered, Kristen built a career in fashion before she and her husband, Michael, raised their two sons in Summit, New Jersey. She spent years designing special events, volunteering with local nonprofits, and creating meaningful experiences for others. As her boys entered middle and high school, she even started a backyard lacrosse program, giving them the opportunity to develop leadership skills, build a strong work ethic, and learn how to confidently interact with both children and adults. Looking back, she realizes every chapter prepared her for what she does today.
"My grandmother gave me my first Emily Post etiquette book," she recalls. "My mom always included me when adults came over. I was never at the kids' table."
Those early lessons became the foundation of her business.
After becoming certified in etiquette instruction in 2021, Kristen began teaching children everything from proper introductions and table manners to confident conversation skills. What started with neighborhood families has grown into a business attracting students from New York City, Florida, Turkey, and beyond.
But etiquette today looks different than many people imagine.
"It's not about being fancy," she explains. "It's about making people feel comfortable."
Her classes focus on practical life skills: making eye contact, introducing yourself confidently, asking thoughtful questions, showing gratitude, and navigating social situations with ease. Even something as simple as putting away your phone during dinner can completely change the way people connect.
She believes modern life has made it harder for families to practice the everyday social skills that once came naturally around the dinner table.
Without regular family dinners or face-to-face conversations, children often miss the chance to develop communication skills naturally.
That's why Kristen hopes etiquette feels approachable rather than intimidating.
Whether she's teaching elementary students, preparing teenagers for college interviews, coaching professionals, or leading corporate workshops, her goal remains the same: helping people become the most confident version of themselves.
And with holiday gatherings just around the corner, she says there's no better time to start.
Make a Great First Impression
Before you even sit down, etiquette begins at the front door.
Arrive on time. Make eye contact. Greet everyone warmly. If you're meeting family for the first time, bring a thoughtful hostess gift, whether that's a bottle of wine, a candle, cocktail napkins, or another small token of appreciation. It's a simple gesture that immediately communicates gratitude.
Be Curious
One of Kristen's favorite ways to help conversations flow is encouraging people to ask questions beyond "What do you do?"
Instead, ask:
- What do you enjoy doing outside of work?
- Have you traveled anywhere recently?
- What do you like to do in your spare time?
Questions like these help uncover shared interests and create genuine conversation instead of awkward small talk.
Mind Your Table Manners
Holiday meals don't have to feel intimidating.
Kristen recommends waiting until the host begins before placing your napkin on your lap. Tear bread into bite-sized pieces instead of buttering the entire roll at once. If you leave the table, place your napkin on your chair. At the end of dinner, leave it neatly beside your plate.
And if you ever forget which bread plate belongs to you?
Remember the simple trick she teaches every student:
B = Bread. D = Drink.
Make a lowercase "b" with your left hand and a lowercase "d" with your right to instantly remember which belongs where.
When in Doubt, Follow the Host
You don't need to know every etiquette rule to feel confident at the table. When you're unsure what to do, Kristen recommends taking your cues from the host.
Notice when they begin eating, how the meal is being served, and the overall tone of the gathering. Every family has its own traditions, and being a gracious guest often means being willing to adapt rather than worrying about doing everything perfectly.
The same goes for conversation. Put your phone away, stay present, and make an effort to include everyone at the table. If someone is quieter, ask a question that brings them into the conversation.
Ultimately, good etiquette is less about knowing every rule and more about making the people around you feel comfortable, included, and valued. When you lead with that mindset, you're already practicing good manners.
Offer to Help
Helping clear plates, asking if the host needs anything, and complimenting the meal all leave lasting impressions.
Even if your offer is politely declined, the gesture never goes unnoticed.
And don't let your gratitude end when dinner does.
Kristen recommends following up the next day with a thoughtful thank you message or even a handwritten note for especially meaningful invitations.
Remember What Matters Most
While Kristen can teach proper place settings and dining etiquette, she believes the most important lesson has nothing to do with forks or napkins.
Good manners communicate respect.
Whether you're meeting future in-laws, attending your first Friendsgiving, or gathering around the Thanksgiving table with lifelong family traditions, kindness, confidence, eye contact, gratitude, and genuine conversation will always make the strongest first impression. Because at the end of the day, good etiquette isn't about following every rule perfectly. It's about making others feel welcomed, respected, comfortable, and genuinely valued long after the gathering ends.
As the holiday season approaches, there's no better time to put these timeless lessons into practice. For upcoming classes, private events, and additional etiquette resources, visit modernlymannered.com.
Kristen hopes one simple reminder stays with every reader: Good etiquette never goes out of style.
True etiquette isn't about perfection; it's about creating meaningful connections with others through respect, confidence, kindness, and thoughtful everyday gestures.
Bring a thoughtful hostess gift, offer to help, and always follow up with a ‘Thank you.’ It never goes out of style.