Karen Taylor doesn’t remember the exact moment she met her son. And Kody Shaffer can’t recall meeting his mom for the first time.
But more than 20 years after Taylor, permanency program administrator for the Arizona Children's Association, adopted Shaffer—who had spent six of his first 10 years in foster care and shelters—what matters is that they were destined to find one another.
Taylor was working as a youth case manager at a shelter where Shaffer was living. One day, a staff member who had known Shaffer since he was 4—when he entered the foster care system—shared an observation.
“He’s never responded positively to anyone the way he responds to you,” Taylor recalls of the revelation. “It made me go, ‘Why is that?’ For some reason, he just connected with me.”
Shaffer was 9 when Taylor came into his world. He admits he was closed off to most people, due to trauma he had endured in his young life that forced him to constantly be on the move.
But Taylor made a point of entering his world. Instead of shunning her, he let her in.
“I just remember her being there, out of the blue,” Shaffer, now 32, says. “I tried not to get close to anyone … but my mom took me by storm. I liked it.”
Their bond grew, and a year later, Taylor decided to make it permanent.
When Taylor and her husband told Shaffer they wanted to adopt him, he remembers it like it was yesterday. He thought they were kidding.
“No, we’re not kidding. We definitely want to adopt you,” Shaffer recalls them saying. “I was so shocked. At that point, I had given up hope. I couldn’t think of anyone better, and I was so excited for a new chapter.”
For the next eight years, until he reached adulthood, Shaffer experienced something he'd never truly had before. For the first time since Shaffer was removed from his home and biological family, he had a permanent home, two parents, and a sister, Taylor’s biological daughter.
And even after Shaffer moved out on his own, he knew Taylor would always be the constant rock he could rely on.
“When she came in, she was the light of my life,” Shaffer says. “She wanted to give me the love, that motherly loving feeling that connected with me very deeply.”
Taylor knows she is not front and center of her son’s life all the time. She’s good with that. And when times get tough, mom is always there with open arms.
“He comes back for an issue or a celebration … he knows he’s not by himself in his life,” Taylor says. “That’s what every kid and adult wants—stability and to know we are here for the happy times and the not-happy times.”
Taylor has spent more than 25 years in the child welfare space, moving through the ranks and working in several facets spanning case management, collaborating with nurse practitioners, and working directly with children and families. She sees firsthand the positive impact a stable family and home life can have on kids. She also witnesses the damage instability can cause.
“I think he takes my advice a little more seriously than he would from anyone else,” Taylor says. “He still calls and says, ‘I just need to hear your voice. You calm me down. I need to know I’m on the right track.’”
Today, Shaffer is engaged and has a 2-year-old son. Despite some trepidation, he feels equipped to handle parenthood, thanks to his parents.
“I give them 100% credit for everything. They are the ones who taught me how to parent, and they’ve given me the blueprint on how to navigate this crazy world as well,” Shaffer says. “All the love I didn’t get when I was a kid … it feels so nice to give it to someone who can give it back.”
Shaffer calls Taylor's decision to adopt him a blessing that allowed him to finally breathe freely and become the man he is today.
“They took me in like I was their own; it didn’t feel awkward. They gave me the love that today I cherish most,” Shaffer says. “I wouldn’t be the man I am today if they didn’t adopt me.”
"They gave me the love that today I cherish most,” Kody Shaffer says. “I wouldn’t be the man I am today if they didn’t adopt me.”