Earlier this year, Maria Bamford’s brilliant, hilariously eccentric world was captured at the Sundance Film Festival in the documentary Paralyzed by Hope: The Maria Bamford Story, co-directed by Judd Apatow and Neil Berkeley (and now streaming on Netflix). But if you try bringing any of that glowing praise up to Maria herself? She’ll just shrug it off with the sweetest, most grounded dose of reality.
“I think it’s just like any other thing in life—extreme highs, extreme lows, and then all the boring stuff in between,” she tells Westport Lifestyle with a laugh. “If I believe the extreme highs, that means I have to take the extreme lows personally too. It’s all very arbitrary. I love reading biographies of artists like Van Gogh, who never sold a painting his whole life. I have so many friends who are genius comics and can't get booked. It’s unfair and stupid! Hopefully, after they die, someone opens a comedy Van Gogh museum in their honor and puts their jokes on tote bags.”
Luckily for Fairfield County residents, there’s no need to wait for a museum gift shop to experience her genius comic mind. On November 20, Maria brings her national tour to downtown Fairfield at the Sacred Heart University Community Theatre, with her signature (and lovable) style of radically honest storytelling.
A Peaceful Uncoupling
Maria’s trademark grace and openness carries over into her personal life, even when navigating major life transitions. After 11 years together, she and her husband Scott Marvel Cassidy amicably split about a year ago. While celebrity divorces are often riddled with drama and expensive attorneys, Maria wants to show that parting ways can be as simple as being fundamentally wrong for each other. (And having a sense of humor about it!)
“We’re good friends,” Bamford explains cheerfully. “I wanted to try being married, but we were totally untenable as a romantic couple after 11 years. My dream was always to keep the great memories and just say, ‘Nothing bad happened. It just didn't work.’ People told me, ‘You’ve gotta lawyer up!’ But I set a vision that it was going to be peaceful and hilarious. And we used a mediator! She loved us so much she was like, ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do when you guys stop coming in!’ When your divorce mediator is bummed you’re finalizing things, that’s pretty funny.”
As for dating again, she is keeping the logistics strictly within her comfort zone: “If I'm manifesting a partner, he has to live within two miles of my house,” she says. “I cannot do long-distance. It’s gotta be easy.”
Talking Money
If there’s one thing Maria refuses to tiptoe around, it’s the messy stuff polite society avoids. In her bestselling 2023 memoir, Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult, she opened up about psychiatric wards, family dynamics, and the 12-step support groups she’s a member of, like Debtors Anonymous.
Tearing down the secrecy around money in show business remains a passion. She recently taped a brand-new stand-up special with director Dominic Delbene that puts comedy finances front and center.
“It’s all about money—what I get paid, what the opening acts get paid, what the club makes,” Maria explains. “I love open-book accounting. Nobody talks about it! Stand-up is non-union. You get terrified to speak up and ask, ‘Wait, what is everyone else making?’ Nobody wants to be labeled the squeaky wheel. I love the idea of radical transparency so people actually know what rate to ask for.”
Her own rule for setting the fee for her gigs is hilariously simple: “My friend Jackie and I always say: three grand plus air and hotel, minimum! Now, my agents handle the big negotiations, but if someone reaches out directly, that’s my bottom line. I’ll do tons of charity stuff for free, but it has to be less than a mile from my front door and fun. If you want me to drive more than 30 minutes? Forget it. I’m old!”
The 9 AM Stand-Up
Most comedians live like vampires. They’ll wake up at noon, linger around green rooms until the wee hours and live on adrenaline. Maria, on the other hand, made headlines in comedy circles for flipping the script and doing sets at 9 in the morning.
“I just want to get it over with!” she laughs. “I book them two blocks from my house, do the set, and then you have your entire day ahead of you.”
The thought of waiting around all day for a late-night curtain call genuinely stresses her out. “Oh, it just sucks,” she admits. “I hear about people doing Broadway runs and I think, I could only do that if the curtain went up at noon.”
When tour dates force her onto a traditional evening schedule, Maria’s tour strategy is all about conserving her energy. “My friend Jackie travels with me, so we’ll wake up, go grab a fun two-hour lunch somewhere in town, and honestly, that’s our big outing for the day,” she says.
But Maria’s favorite part of touring is being able to gift her friends plane travel. “I love accumulating frequent flyer points and giving a trip to a friend,” she beams. “I’ll be like, ‘Oh, I heard you needed to go to see your family in Guam. Guess who has a million points?’ I don't want to travel outside of work. I'm good. It makes you feel really powerful.”
The Four Year Approach to Comedy
When she arrives in Fairfield, audiences at the SHU Community Theatre will get a front-row seat to Maria's very deliberate, four-year creative clock. While the internet era pushes comics to crank out a shiny new special every twelve months, Maria prefers to let her comedy bits breathe.
“Some comics drop a brand-new hour every single year, and I have no idea how they do it unless they have a staff of writers,” she chuckles. “I work on a four-year cycle! I just wrapped a set I toured for four years, so now I get a blank slate. Probably about 15 minutes of the Fairfield show will be completely brand-new jokes I haven't done anywhere else.”
And if returning fans recognize a storyline or two? Maria doesn't sweat it.
“Sometimes people say, ‘Hey, you told that one last time you were in town!’” she laughs. “Which I get! But it’s like going to Cirque du Soleil—Are the horses going to run in a circle again? Yes! It’s Cavalia, they’re doing the routine! Jay Leno famously avoided making specials because he never wanted to retire a joke he loved. For me, I just like chipping away at real, personal things that bother me until they make people laugh.”
Comedy is Therapy
Behind all the goofy characters, what makes Maria so iconic is how fearlessly she de-stigmatizes severe mental illness. Having navigated bipolar II disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and psychiatric hospital stays, she has spent decades showing audiences that the scariest, most isolated corners of our minds can actually bring us together.
When Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult came out, Maria went so far as to include her real email address in the book. Aside from a few strict 12-step members grumbling about breaking group anonymity, the response blew her away.
“I got hundreds of the sweetest, most supportive emails from artists and creatives,” she shares. “People saying, ‘I’m just trying to make my art and put my little potholders out into the world.’ We all get terrified that someone’s going to say, ‘Well, I hate blue and tan potholders.’ But that’s what you make! You just want to make blue and tan potholders.”
For anyone feeling alone, overwhelmed, or anxious right now, Maria’s advice is simple, funny, and surprisingly comforting.
“Whatever weird thing you think nobody else deals with—the thing you feel like a total creep for thinking and swore you’d never tell a soul—just go Google that exact phrase with the word ‘comedian,’” Maria advises. “I promise you, someone is already talking about it on stage. Someone has already found the funny in your absolute worst nightmare.”
“It’s always better to talk about it than keep it bottled up,” she adds. “Go to an open mic and talk about your weird thing. At least you’re up on a stage for three minutes releasing it instead of suffering in silence. We don’t have enough affordable mental health resources right now; you call a hotline and wait 45 minutes just to reach a human. If an open mic is available to you tonight? Just go.”
Maria Bamford performs live at the Sacred Heart University Community Theatre (2046 Post Road, Fairfield) on Friday, November 20. For tickets and details, visit shucommunitytheatre.org.
"Someone has already found the funny in your absolute worst nightmare.”
"I love accumulating frequent flyer points and giving a trip to a friend. ‘Oh, I heard you needed to go to see your family in Guam. Guess who has a million points?’"