Mental Health. Two words that have become such a part of everyday life that it is easy to forget the significance it holds. To some, it has come to be a catch phrase, a scapegoat, an easy diagnosis, but for those who experience it every day, for those who are truly within the grasp of its stronghold, it holds a much deeper implication. For 27-year-old Emily McDaniel, navigating her own mental health and anxiety has made such a difference in her life that she is sharing it with the world.
How have you managed your anxiety?
The best thing I have done for myself was to simply learn about anxiety, how it affects me, and how it shows up in my head. Anxiety is the fear of fear. It is the fear of uncertainty. To protect ourselves from fear and uncertainty, our brain tries to keep us out of dangerous situations, learn from our mistakes, and fill in blanks about ourselves and our surroundings. These are normal things for the human brain to do. Severe anxiety turns those protections to level 100. For me, my brain does a lot of blank filling. It is unbelievably difficult to even begin to accept that these answers, the ones my brain constantly tells me, could be lies. But understanding that filling in blanks like that is completely normal for any human brain to do, and that my brain just likes to scream them at me to paralyze me, helped me realize that I can turn down the volume. Thinking about it this way does not help every time, but every time it does help is a major victory for me.
What has helped you get to where you are today?
I was going to therapy and seeing a psychiatrist, and both were helping, but until I started to have a way to understand and describe exactly what was happening to me, I was barely keeping my head above water. My therapist recommended an intensive group therapy program at Renew Counseling Center in Olathe that focused solely on anxiety. I agreed to do it because everything else I had tried had not worked, and I was desperate to find something that would. What I learned there gave me a chance to start metaphorically swimming to shore instead of constantly fighting for my life.
What do you practice when anxiety takes hold?
When my brain, or anxiety, starts to take control of me, my best hope for escaping its grasp comes in two steps. The first step is to be able to recognize that it is happening. It can show up as fear, anger, sadness, shame, and many other undesirable emotions. If I can realize I’m feeling it, I can move on to step two, which is defined by the acronym B.O.L.D.
Breathe: consciously taking deep breaths helps me start to come back to the reality of where I am while also giving me time to remember that my anxiety doesn’t have to be in control.
Observe: paying attention to what I am feeling emotionally and physically and also noticing what I’m thinking or what my brain is telling me in that moment can help me start to separate the anxious thoughts from reality.
Listen: listening to my values as a person can help me start to regain control. This means asking myself, “what kind of person do I want to be right now?” This has the dual effect of allowing me to remember that I’m allowed to be in control of my own brain and actions and helping me get to the last letter, which, for me, is definitely the hardest.
Decide: choosing an action that fits my values and who I want to be in that moment.
McDaniel would be the first to admit that managing mental health is a constant work in progress especially as the world is amid a pandemic. She equates it to a chessboard filled with white and black pieces representing the good things and the bad things that happen in life. Understanding how it all works together helps her to keep it in perspective.
“That’s just how the game is meant to be; those are the rules. It’s not bad that I have black pieces. It’s not wrong that sometimes I have a lot more black pieces than white. Having both is normal, expected, and required.”