My brother and I recently helped our 86-year old father, who had lived in his Stamford house for over four decades, transition to assisted living. Below are some things we learned from the process.
First, think about your parent’s needs. Can he or she stay in the place they presently live, with some modifications? Common, easy, and low-cost ones include: adding a shower seat and grab bars for the bathroom, eliminate throw rugs, add a hand rail to the side of a bed, installing a ramp. Does your parent need assistance for activities of daily living? Medicare may pay for a certain amount of hours per week for an aid to come to the house.
If downsizing and moving is your decision, Stamford boasts a tremendous variety of options. Many offer a mix of independent, assisted living and memory care in the same location. Dad wanted to stay in Stamford so my brother and I hit the streets to check out potential new homes for him. Of the ones we selected, two were high-rise apartment buildings in downtown Stamford and two were suburban options in the High Ridge and Turn of River neighborhoods. Together we toured the two high-rise buildings and one of the suburban options, which my dad said wasn't for him. Ultimately dad chose one of the high-rise options. The lease is for twelve months so that if he wasn't happy, he can go somewhere else with thirty days’ notice.
Some things to consider in your decision… Get a sense of the vibe of the place. Do the residents look happy? Are there activities going on? Is the person giving the tour friendly and being approached by the residents? What are the hours for meals? Is there an "always available" menu? Is there a courtesy van that takes residents to doctor appointments and other places? Does the property offer outings? Ask friends, colleagues and acquaintances if they know anyone in the property you are considering for an insider’s opinion.
Come prepared with a list of questions and take notes. I created a “dad binder” especially for this task. It helped us stay organized and remember the subtle differences about each place. Of course you want to know the price of the space but other helpful things to ask are: Is an outside physical therapist allowed to provide services to your parent? Is an outside private duty aid allowed or do you have to use the aids employed by the property?
One of the people who led us on a tour gave a great tip, which is to make sure to bring familiar items from your parent’s previous home to the new space. Don’t discount how an old recliner, kitchen table or throw blanket can be a positive reminder of the old home and a source of comfort during a trying transition for your parent.
Moving is stressful for everyone, especially an older parent who has been in a house for many years surrounded with lifelong memories. Have patience and compassion for your parent during the process. Emphasize the positive aspects of their new home (in fact, don’t forget to call it just that: a home) and be sure to visit them regularly. Don’t hesitate to talk to the director of the property to get a report card about how your parent is doing and bring up any concerns you or your parent has about the new place. Soon enough, your parent will settle in and thrive in their new space and make new friends and memories there.