Teens today are surrounded by relationships at every turn, from family dynamics at home and situationships amongst friends to stories in romance novels. With so many different examples, how do they know which are true relationship goals? Because that part isn’t always clear, many teens end up finding themselves in an unhealthy situation. In fact, one in 10 high school students experience some form of unhealthy relationship behavior. Oftentimes, it goes unreported because they’re scared, embarrassed, or convinced no one will believe them, and other times they simply don’t recognize the signs. It’s important for parents and teens to know how to recognize the difference, before unhealthy patterns have a chance to take hold.
Unconventional Red Flags
Unhealthy relationships aren’t always obvious. Sometimes, tiny habits slip in that make a relationship feel off or have a teen questioning themselves. Here are a few red flags that may not seem like much, but can turn into something bigger:
· Texting a partner all day long, and getting mad if they don’t respond
· Asking for access to their partner’s social media and/or their mobile phone
· Extreme jealousy or guilt tripping for hanging out with friends or family
· Talking their partner into withdrawing from a sports team or social club
· Controlling their partner’s appearance
· Blaming the partner for their problems
· Love bombing: lots of gifts, love notes, or saying they love you right away
Relationship Green Flags
While not every relationship looks the same, healthy ones share the same core values of respect, trust, and communication. Both people feel heard and seen, are each other’s cheer leaders, trust each other in all aspects, respect each other’s boundaries and decisions, and can be themselves. Think of Beth and Randall Pearson on “This Is Us,” David and Patrick on “Schitt’s Creek,” or Bob and Linda Belcher on “Bob’s Burgers.” Each showcase authenticity, mutual respect, trust, and constantly supporting every part of their partner.
Building Healthy Relationship Skills
Knowing the red and green flags is a great start, but how does one build a healthy relationship? It’s all about personal and interpersonal skills: healthy boundaries, communication skills, and overall self-esteem. Teens need to know:
- What they’re comfortable with and realizing their boundaries
- How to confidently communicate when speaking up and listening when others speak
- How to build up their self-esteem; when you know your worth, you’re less likely to accept treatment that doesn’t match it
- Healthy communication is not a one-time conversation; it's important to make sure both individuals are consistently on the same page.
- Don’t be afraid of speaking out, if something feels off with a friend or someone you know, say something.
Unhealthy relationships can be scary, but you don’t have to figure it out alone. Whether teens tell a school counselor, who are mandated reporters, a friend or family member, there are resources available. Organizations like S.A.F.E. House, Nevada’s Crisis Text Line, and more offer free, confidential support for teens and families experiencing an unhealthy relationship. If you’re not sure where to start, Nevada 211 can help connect you to the right services.